Transcript
Live from a block of ice wrapped in an ice cube. Can you wrap a nice Cube around? Something. I'm sure you can. It's your daily dose of Ben and Jerry's branded Biz nuggets. I didn't realize they started to sell our. We are branding. Yeah. Joined as always by empirical. I'm a lurking and mellow dramatic. Matt mascardi. I'm cool as a cucumber and a bowl of hot sauce. I kind of wish I was in a bowl of hot sauce today in our water base, ice bag of nuggets. I don't know what's going on there called January 11th, 22 Damien does some populist math and makes fun of stuff that's like every episode shocking matters. The musk trifecta, And Emma starts her essay for the Cornell University NBA program. We knew it was coming. We said in the prediction show live on here. Let's do this. We got a lot of stuff. Eli Manning. That's the show everybody. That's it, done. See you later in sports. Eli morning, joined private, Equity, Firm brand, velocity partners. It's a lot of words. Yeah, I'm gonna need some not as a part-time advisor or conference gladhander. But as an actual partner, Oh really. Okay, here's it. Here's the quote from the dope. People don't realize that I do the Monday Night Football gig for my house. So unless bvp is planning meetings between 815 to 11:30 on Monday night, I'm pretty much wide open. Oh, qualified tow-headed family. Can you tell him a Patriots fan and nested in a grill maker called Barb barbecue, guys, which bbp bought in 2020. Okay, this is love according to axios. Here's the bottom line. The road to private Equity, almost always used to go through banks or consulting firms. It now has a much wider range of starting points. Let me take a stab at rewriting that bottle line for you axios. Dumb, white dudes, keep winning as the Bro, culture scores another touchdown. Scott. I did my quick and dirty. I did my quick and dirty bvp math. There's a lot going on there. Weird website, there's a lot of smiling is making me uncomfortable, but here's the, here's the main takeaway I after a lot of Like right clicking and opening a new tabs. It was really driving me. Crazy. Here's my main here's the main takeaway. There's 23 partners. Three of them are women. That's a lot, is it? That's a lot of women. Boring white guy, bwg 70%, that's about the Mark. I'm getting is about 70% with all these companies, there is one what I'm calling a wgb, which is a white guy with a beer and I'm actually added, I added the P because I looked at him, I was like, he looks like a professor. So I called my white guy with a beard professor and then I opened his profile. The dude is a professor. I'm just saying, this is how easy this industry is. Yeah, that's it. That's all I gotta say about that. There we go. Eli Manning is a partner now. Nice Adventure Capital firm. Yeah he did it finally. I was worried he wouldn't make it. You finally ascended. I have for you a musk Trifecta today. First, let's start us off with an appetizer of loaded musk potatoes Tesla. Here's a headline Tesla ads, chill and assertive, self-driving modes. Yeah. Just despite the fact that that humans are asked, not to have a sort of Moses while driving their Toyota Corollas, Tessa's self-driving car software restored, a feature called chill and assertive driving modes for its AI cars. Actually, this is real, actually will do rolling stops at stop signs. Oh, and they ignore certain exit Lane restrictions, they'll change lanes more frequently, they do all sorts of and they'll follow more closely. The car in front of them early indications, are that the car will also punch jaywalkers and occasionally will show up drunk at their ex-spouses house. Looking for sex, in contrast, chill mode, has yet to be used in a single Tesla car unless you count Larry who got two Stone and thought that was actually a music setting. But I want to take a stab at rewriting the headline for you because this is the BBC reporting on this headline. Should have said hey punk ass snowflakes Tesla ads, get the fuck out of my way. Self-driving modes to its car you snowflake bitch. Wait wait can I interrupt you for a second? Is this is true. They're gonna do rolling stops at stop sign and ignore certain exit. This is all, that's actually true. Yes, it might show up drunk but I don't know. How can I get away with this? That the big question is so the BBC went to go ask Tesla for comment, but Tesla disbanded, its PR department and media relations department in 2020. And there was no one to call. No one answered. I gotta say Last year I said, I was not. I was never gonna, I wasn't gonna talk about about Kimball musk's brother anymore, but hats off to Kimball musk, Brothers. He invents new ways for me to hate him. Like, I got a new, I mean, it's actually kind of incredible. Like, I'm maybe I'm like, turning the corner back on. I got another one for you, because we're on to our main course. It's just a medium. Rare must base steak. Here's the headline. Tesla's, most prominent black executive is leaving the company. Valerie Capers. Workman became Tesla's head of HR in 2020. Valerie is actually best known as the loan defender of Tesla's Tesla. Following high-profile racial harassment verdict against the company unless you count, Kimball musk's brother. Actually, let's take a stab at rewriting, this headline, after a cursory review of Tesla's management team and its filings. Here's the new headline. Tesla's, only from an black executive is leaving the company. Did I? Okay? That one a little bit better. And finally, let's watch it down with a musk parfait. Hold the Musk. There's that line for you. Starling self-heating, Internet satellite dishes are attracting cats. That's a real thing, that's right. Elon Musk, billionaire and world's smartest brother of Kimball musk has figured out how to save the planet using angry electric cars. Overpriced solar panels and reusable fuel sucking Rockets, but he is yet to figure out how to keep cats from sitting on SpaceX controlled starlink satellite dishes. There's an image that's gone viral of an actual satellite dish out someone's hat outside, someone's house with like six cats sitting on it. Unless the recall, for all of Tesla's cars that shift in 2020, has totally diverted Elon. He has no plans to address the cat licks. Its own ass on satellite issue anytime soon, maybe in part, because of spacex's bored because it turns out a homogeneous group of eight, private Equity, Masters of the Universe dudes, seven of whom are bwg's means you missed the need for things like diversity and thought including but not limited to women, people of color or you know, veterinarians. So I'm gonna finish out our must try affect up by rewriting. This last headline, shall I? Okay, starlinks Internet dishes are finally attracting pussies. Just not to the board. No. I mean there it is. I did it just for Emma. I mean just for Emma. Did just for Emma. I mean, he's not I mean he's making fun of Elon Musk, I don't know. All right, moving on. Speaking of know, just for the Beast. Rachel Balco vetch makes history as the first female manager and minor league baseball, after the Yankees, tapped her to lead the Tampa tarpons. Their low affiliate team, not sure about the usage of tapped, her CNBC, but maybe that's just me. I don't know. I did, I didn't like that. I read that the first time as tampons too. So, I did not. Yeah, it's over. I and it had to be low way, right? God forbid, its high, or even medium, a In case you forgot though, we already covered two other recent glass. Baseball ceiling. First, Bianca Smith joined the Red Sox. The first black woman to coach professional baseball and Kim ing as baseball's first female general manager for the Miami Marlins. Although CNBC writers botched that one too. Called him the Dolphins. Nice. All right, whatever wrong league. But yeah, two plus, two busy, giggling over tapped her. All right, it's time for America's favorite math class, simple non-specific estimate heavy populist meth time. Right. A lot of models, I dug into it a bit. Baseball records. Go back to about 1876. So, it's 146 Seasons. They've been about 20 teams per season. That's about 3,000 teams, roughly five, minor league teams per team. It's about 15,000 teams. Overall, he adds some other non-affiliated minority, okay? We basically have about 16,000 minor league Seasons. We have had one female manager that's so, the percentage of female managers in Affiliated, professional baseball, Zero point, zero, zero, six percent sounds, that's hi to me. Doesn't hide. We are all well aware that Matt thinks, he's better than us because he went to an ivy, but he should feel ashamed to be a brown bear today. In addition, to 15, other prestigious American colleges Brown University, is being sued for antitrust violations. Regarding a shared formula to determine financial aid awards for students. So schools are legally allowed to share their admission formulas through an antitrust exemption. As long as they do not include Financial need in their criteria, according to the legal team. The issue is this they 100% include Financial need in their criteria. Here is an example of what this lawsuit is attempting to prohibit in the form of a thematically relevant. Multiple choice question. Well I this is I know blow my mind but I went to over. Yeah. Okay. All right, here's your question. Brown University is looking at two. Equaled applicants to admit for the class of 2026. Matt indyman multi-generational Legacy, whose mommy and daddy, wrote a fat, check to the nuclear weaponry development department and Matt is just a regular person. Just Brown admit. And why option A, they admit Matt, because of his moving personal essay about his battle with cruise ship Obsession Obsession syndrome option b. Yeah, that was a good. They admit Damian because he seems like a promising future student in the nuclear weaponry Department. Option C. Yeah, like money option C, they admit both candidates in a coordinated effort to push women out of higher education like that. I like that option D. They admit Damien because Mommy and Daddy can pay the ridiculously expensive tuition bills in full. Please choose the correct answer. Well, first of all, I don't know if you've been to an Ivy League College recently, but they're pretty woke up. So the nuclear weaponry Development Department isn't exactly the source of student interests, although I've asked you about this many times. I some will communities are racing Wok in the area where like they do a lot of you know like wooky stuff and it's like performative. Well weapons the Weaponry Department isn't gonna do what they call it. They're going to be, they're going to call it the massage, the seals with nuclear technology department or something like that. I'm going to go with c. Because that's the best, uh, push out women in higher education. That seems to make sense. I mean, I'm gonna go, I mean, I, I never went to the ivy league, so I'm gonna go. Did they admit me? All right, well, Right. I mean you actually both wrong. The answer is D but you both forgot to flip the paper over and see if there was a back and you missed a secondary short answer section, which you should have written. Yeah. And because the schools have an antitrust exemption they can keep their financial aid to a minimum and prevent price competition that was like you guys. Okay flip it over. Yeah stupid but tell me more to sum it up. The lawsuit represents five students who attended some of the schools being accused of price fixing. The legal team is seeking damages for the students and a permanent end to universities collaborative financial aid. Calculations in addition to those five students lawyers have said that upwards of 170,000 more students going back to up to 18 years who received partial financial aid, might be eligible to join the lawsuit as plaintiffs are. Fortunately, Matthew McCarty graduated from Brown University in the spring of 2001, almost 21, which made Ineligible to participate in this suit. Matt, did I succeed in making you feel old? First of all, where is that information is? Don't worry about it in your business that it makes me uncomfortable. I don't even have, like, I probably just have a Friendster page left at LinkedIn. Why are you why are you singling out the ivy league? Isn't this a 60 does? Vanderbilt, very my guess is tough isn't on there because no one cares about going there. That's the problem. Oh, And finally, let's wrap up with some quick hitter's first. You Union wins election at a second. Buffalo area Starbucks. Woo! The National Labor Relations Board certified. The victory. After tossing several votes from employees. It said, did not work at the store. That's right. It said I mentioned that, gotta love that new Starbucks blend called. Venti shady shit. File is next one under, hey, fans of the alternative democracy, it's time to call your nuns and sharpen your voting finger because Greta thunberg's Planet needs you carbon emissions increase in 2021? Mainly driven by coal? Oh yeah. Kohl's. Coal, burned for electricity spiked 17% in 2021. The first increase since 2014, the Switchback to Coal was largely due to increasing natural gas prices because of a lack of federal rules and standards changes in emissions, are largely at the whim of energy market dynamics to get what I'm serving here, take it to the proxies, let's go black rock on their ass. Yeah I love to say that get a bus, I don't even know. I just feel racist. Okay. Oh I thought maybe just fell anti think or something. And finally file, this under the New York Times, just noticed a thing. Here's the headline. For retail workers Omicron. Disruption aren't just about health. What stores are shortening hours, fitting rooms or being closed? And some employees? Can't go on break. Many store workers are also grappling with shifting guidelines are on isolation and juggling, Child Care. Morale could not be lower One. Retail worker said, a posh New York Times reader responded. My supply chain has a uterus. It does not. It does not. I like that. I like that. They, they, the quote was from One retail, worker said, like, oh, they Too. And they're realizing that this pandemic affects workers not just by catching covid like there might be some other ramifications. Wait we're not all Goldman Sachs employees working late. We got it. We got it. We're at the top that New York Times that was Damon Ross and Emma looking. I met Scott, we have free flow media. If you like what we're talking about, you don't But if you like watching Emma in the dark with a. Yeah. What's weird over flashlight? Then come back here tomorrow like for more business nuggets on business pants. Go subscribe and do the things. Goodbye. Sharpen your proxy finger Sharp.