Transcript
Live. From 322 days before Super Bowl 900, nobody cares. It's a value-free West Coast edition of melee mouth, Biz nuggets value free. I'm bringing all value joined. As always, by Emma, metamate lurking and Matt me, Miss cardi. I'm your deflated kickball in the back of your childhood homes garage. And today's off-brand sandwich bag called February 16th 2022, the business pants, CEO value, letter translation snarking, inter 12,000. That's a downgrade. I think it was 13,000 last time, the incessant mascardi metaverse musings Mumble machine. I mean to me how dare you I actually before we get into it maybe we should discuss what on Brands out which bags are. What what does that mean? I don't know which bag I'm trying to figure out what the on brand sandwich bag like glad Ziploc, you just get you, but there's not one, there's not like Kleenex or there's only one. It's well, I'm referring to a moment in my life where I bought an off-brand sandwich bag and everyone I opened like immediately ripped. I was I was Conjuring that memory Sometimes you look, you know for those of us is always looking for deals. Sometimes you screw it up. Sometimes you mess up. Wow. I got news for you. Do it in the metaverse. Can't mess it up. All right, actually, mine's a little bit meta too. So let's start with my story here today. The business pants CEO value letter translation in her 12,000 translated fake public company called Dropout Mark, Zuckerberg's latest face book blog post updating the values of his creepy meta platform Empire. That's right. That's values. I like the he even said value is good. Here's how it works. I I literally this is no joke. I literally feed the letter into the machine. And what it does is it spits out highlighted parts and then it either translates them or snarks them up. I don't know the whole thing's patent pending but whatever, here we go here. Understand Emma. You see how this game works? Yeah, I'm with you. Yeah we've only played it 40 times. Okay, a lot of starts off. Hey, everyone. The machine says better than team so we're already see if it's a good start. Maybe we should end here because it's like next one. We put a flag in the ground with meta. Machine says, it's not the freaking Moon jackass. Yeah, see how this works. Emma, you understand now? I think Empire Building more and I'll fully have it. As the next one. It's important to be intentional about how we work. The machine said, yes, please be intentional for the first time ever. Maybe the best years are going to slow down before they wreck it again. See, I disagree, I disagree with this. I think the translator got it wrong. I think that they are always intentional. They're just intending to do bad stuff that you might be right. Yeah. And Matt made a point like, this is actually not. The latest machine is the fifth, the snorkeler 1500. I'm actually using an old machine here so yeah. All right, that's why, all right, moving on. We wrote our current company values back in 2007, they have been remarkably durable, but a lot has changed during this time, so which is it jackass? Are they remarkably durable? Or have things changed? Making them less durable. I like you said, jackass jackass, which one? We are now a metaverse company building the future of social connection. Oh, don't say that out loud. You can never say it out loud. You're the company that cannot be named. The machine, if you point here, yeah the machine has up next. Now is the right time to update our values. The machine says repeat after me, not remarkably durable and I'm a big dummy. Completely terrible Tommy. Up. Next, I've always believed that in order for values to be useful, they need to be ideas that good companies can reasonably disagree with. Oh God, the interesting says she says, wait what what is that even supposed to mean? That sounds super ecology. Dropout e and creepy movie villainy it, what is it? What does that mean though? What does that sound like somebody who's never actually thought about? Like there's schools of thought on how you write company values. And what value are? I like that, he just decided his own and they're good. If they're if you can disagree with and then he said, 52% voting power bitch. Yeah. All right. Moving on. These parts of the letter are the actual values. These are the actual new values. The first one is move fast. Continuously working to increase the velocity of our highest priority initiatives by methodically removing barriers to get in the way. It's not a value. Oh, no, but you said you were going to be intentional. This sounds less intentional and more. Well Reckless and methodically removing barriers, sounds a bit, like ignoring all the millions of ways, all the millions of stockholders are telling you to stop. Shouted. I don't like that methodically removing barriers to get in their way, that's so like, being intentionally Reckless to me. Yeah. It's so movie villain. It sucked. You're such a, such a Trope. Next value is not a value that's actually velocity. It's just a directive next value and I kid you not, these are all real values. Focus on long-term impact. These are not values. You something you believe in the machines, I believe don't. The snorkeling says, please don't have you done enough damage not the next value. Build awesome things. The machine says again, you sound like an over-exuberant pimply teenager with a high school education as your terminal degree. Oh wait, that's what you are. So I guess your technical allowed to say dumb shit like build, awesome things, not a value. Value. Yeah, these all sound like, directives, it's like build awesome. Things, you know, doesn't move you. As a matter of employee, you are amazing, like, not really a verb. I feel like a verbs, don't really translate well to values. It's just go do that. That's a directive. You're talking to me or the machine, I don't even know me but up next next value live in the future. Where opportunity isn't limited by a geography. He goes on to say the machine says, oh now we're back to movie super villain metaverse. Does he mean on Frontier, does he mean that opportunity isn't limited by geography in terms of like the current geography of the world that we have accessible to us presently? He's like don't be bogged down by reality. Is that what he's saying? Note to self. The next Emma talked over. One of my shity jokes, have a talk with her after the show. Here's what the machine said. Here we go. Metaverse. The final frontier. These Are the Voyages of the fake public company. Meta platforms. Its five-year mission to exploit strange, new worlds, to corrupt, new life and new civilizations To Boldly grow up where no man has grope He could have talked over that truck wasn't so yeah. That actually it was can Emma go back to talking over the jokes? It was. Yeah, I don't want to hear Interrupting from your ass, don't want to have my shit together. I could have ordered up the Star Trek music to play under that because then people would understand what the joke is from. All right up. Next people who are 63 years old. Did understand exactly. How old my dad is. Who is the biggest Trekkie? I know, well done. Yeah, good. That was four dead up. Next next value, be direct and respect your colleagues. And then goes on to say where we are straightforward and willing to have hard conversations with each other. The machine says, this feels a little bit like libertarian Rogan cell with a lemon teal twist where we are allowed to say the N word because we are men damage. True. Two more values. One next one is oh no loss value. This. Oh I don't even know what to say about this one. Meta Meta mate to me. That's the value that's values. That's about. Yeah. Here's the snark Nader said along to paraphrase that for you suck it me. Here. Because this is all about you. At the end of the day, isn't it? If it was truly Meta, Meta made to me, then you would step down as either CEO or board chair. Relinquish your voting control. Fill your board with non cronies, to create an effective, counterbalance to management and give the oversight board actual power. I like when the snarky leader gets all serious. Yeah, just really just, I like when it's shouted before. I didn't know that that me was a value because if I had known that, I would be living my life very differently. Let me the value of me. Oh yeah. And finally, Mark ends his letter by saying at the end of the day values, aren't what you write on a website in the snark near says, except they literally are shit head. That's literally what you just did. That's true. Whoops, that's the business pants. What is this? The business, the seat, the business pants, CEO value, letter translation of 12,000. Thank you, everybody. And that was very good. I like that, I but we need to Do the newer model next time. But on the day, the meta, announces its workers are no longer face, suckers and have transformed into metamates. As we said, they're metamates with the same PTSD. As Facebook as I imagine, I have a metaverse quintet for you. Are we ready? Quintet, quartet quartet. Oh, it's more like a Septa. Here we go. In case you're wondering why there's so much metaverse news right now. Here's what retail futurist. That's a thing. A guy named Doug. Stevens said about the metaverse last year. Smart Brands will buy real virtual or yes, they'll buy real virtual estate. Okay, and we'll sell both digital and physical products, consumers, who split their time between worlds, laggard Brands, and organizations will be stuck in the real world and even worse. This is a quote in the ghetto. That the Legacy internet will become a little angry, but here's smart Brand. Number one, headline. Number one, smart brand. Victoria's Secret. New patent. Hints that it's asked, annual fashion show could return in the metaverse. That's right. Expensive strips of cloth, designed by men for women, so that men have something to masturbate to are going digital, which is to say digital cat avatars, might be wearing a tasteful yet. Sexually explicit camisole, garter, thong number on a digital Runway at a Victoria's medicine, sometime soon. No word yet, on whether digital models, most of whom I assume will be named Doug and are covered in Doritos Jacked. In on an Oculus Rift, we'll have four foot meta bubbles to avoid the rapey gropes that is metaverse in culture more on that later. Smart Brand number two, Yeah. Disney appoints executive to oversee metaverse strategy. This is his name, Bob Iger, Disney know, unfortunately it's even better Disney proved. Once again they can't even fight an executive whose name doesn't sound like a guy at a party. Who says he has lots of black friends. They bring in a guy whose name is Mike, White. Oh right. It what the writer of School of Rock and the White House that one? No. Different one. The very white Mike White to oversee Disney's metaverse strategy and he's been given the title. It's a real title from the real article senior vice president for next-generation storytelling and consumer experiences, that's his title. That sounds like something very much directed at me. And I would like to tell them, they have already failed. That is already not working. Oh, come on. I actually, honestly, I think that title is the true Innovation here since I'm pretty sure in 1996 he would have just been the weird it guy who said he met Bruce Lee? Once I think that he's nailed it, I think he's nailed it, meanwhile in pre-meds news, Disney News Park sales have climbed to above pre-pandemic levels. So flesh bags are suckers, are we right? Are we write pandemic above above pre-pandemic levels, people are going to The Parks like real people, the premise Park like before. There was a pandemic. They're actually above that, that's above that level. Oh and PS still in a pandemic smart brand numbers, three metaverse story. JP Morgan. Opens a decentraland lounge. Featuring a tiger. As the bank seeks. The capitalized on one trillion Revenue opportunity from the metaverse that just Diamond. This is true. Jamie dimon doth meta Neil. Oh, JP Morgan's Lounge is called Onyx. You can go visit it and decentraland And if you thought you caught with a bullshit, while metal walking by the virtual picture of Jamie dimon, there's a real virtual picture of Jamie dimon, hanging in the Onyx, JP Morgan Lounge above avatars that discussed the incredible potential of crypto assets. If you smell bulshit, it's because there is some in October Diamond said, he thought Bitcoin was quote worthless and the chief Miller has been down on crypto and nfts for a long while. He once said, quote, my daughter bought Bitcoin, it went up and now she thinks she's a genius. She married, Joey Romo. She is a genius. You have to be a genius to marry a guy named. Joey Romo. JP, Morgan's own white paper out today. Suggests the metaverse is a one trillion dollar opportunity full of nfts and virtual real estate one trillion. Why do you have to make fun of your daughter just to make a point? Yeah. Damn, I don't know me, I'm not feeling that. Why? I I enjoy Romeo could not be reached for comment. So I'm not sure. I don't know if I believe him. I think, if we reached out to them, smart Brand number four, well, the New York Stock Exchange wants to be the marketplace for nfts just like with stocks. Finally, tradable paper documents that entitle us to a fictional share of ownership of a company and tradable virtual documents that entitle us to a fictional digital. Serial number can be traded in one place. Good Shangri-La nice. And speaking of gambling, let's round out the meta quartet with some pre metaverse internet ghetto. Fleshbag news of the day. Don't say two stories. I didn't summon my word. It's what doug? Stevens says text Steve two stories, first, more and more crypto investors are seeking out addiction therapy ostensibly because they're addicted to being bored in the real world after making millions on crypto and finally. Yeah, you USC levels to rise at faster Pace than in the past 100 years. And it looks like we're all going to die under the metaverse. Matt I got I got something to say first of all. Yeah. We should be trading stocks. Many of our structure should be up on that. Good news, right? Isn't it great? That is, that's the Arbitrage, right? You're getting out of the real world, sea levels, arising, we're all going to die, but we're going to the fake world that we should all be up. Also, its retail profit. That's what doug Stevens. He's a real total profit. Yeah, he's the retail prophet. Also, why do you make two? Why do two spaces after you write a period. Why do you do that? Because it's an old ads and thing to do. Okay. Stop it, correct. Stop it. No. Just Karma and don't are all one of you. Yes, what the Oxford comma. I'm never going into the metaverse if there are not Oxford commas there I'm with you there. Matt, that's correct. The reason why I bring up is this is our new newsletter, which people need to get a hold of somehow. They need to sign up. Go to our website. Go wherever ask Matt. Go knock on his door. He loves him. People do that. Yeah, we put it out four days a week and every day I have to delete one of the two spaces after mattson's or you search replace. I do. But you have explanation points. You got. You got question mark, why you do? Oh, gee, I was interested. Talk has been move on. Move us forward. I think I'm gonna wrap it up now please. All right, here's your headline. Families. Yeah, we're out of the metaverse now. Sandy Hook families, reach settlement with gun maker Remington. So please be good. Nine families, whose loved ones were victims at the Sandy Hook mass shooting have one, a 73 million dollar settlement against the gun manufacturer responsible for the AR-15 rifle used by the shooter. This is actually a huge improvement from the 33 million dollar originally offered last year. And in addition to the monetary compensation, the settlement also includes disclosure of thousands of internal company documents that might detail. The marketing plans for their automatic weapons, shocker gun manufacturers are typically quite private about how they Market their products and to whom if this sounds familiar to you, maybe you're thinking of a little social media company. Turned metaverse monster. That also isn't very forthcoming about their marketing strategies for products that harm children. Just some food for thought. I mean, Philip Morris. Yes, exactly. um, this outcome is the biggest win by any arms against any Arms Company. Since the protection of lawful Commerce. In arms act, that was passed in 2005. This piece of legislation, essentially Shields gun manufacturers from taking responsibility, for the actions of their customers with their products and has made it nearly impossible for gun violence victims to sue successfully, but despite this success, there is a catch Remington is not actually doing the settling. Their insurance companies are Remington, is being represented by their four insurance companies. In this case because they filed for bankruptcy in 20. Oh yeah. Whoops noodles. All the sudden were bankrupt. Yep, this means that the settlement is being decided upon in paid out by the insurance companies, rather than the manufacturer itself Firearms, Advocates are held it on making sure that everyone knows that it was the insurance companies, making these decisions rather than any real member of the gun Community Mark Oliver from the National Shooting Sports foundation, made the point by saying, this settlement orchestrated by insurance, companies has no impact on the strength and efficacy of the laws that protect gun organizations, and that their confident, that the company would have prevailed if the case proceeded to trial Right. Fine. There is a lot of information out there about the nuances of this case. But you know what isn't out there that I could find nowhere the names of the insurers. I went through no shit. At least 20 articles about this settlement from every big news Outlet. And not one names any of the foreigners who are making the decisions in the payouts, I can't find them actually anywhere. I was in court documents nowhere and in all fairness not all the details of the settlement have been disclosed, but why can I not find the insurers? I want the insurers and the banks that backed Remington to be named and shame. I also want the other insurers in Banks. Backing other gun manufacturers to tremble at the thought of something like this happening to them if you're more morals are so corrupt, that ensuring a company promoting violence doesn't bother you. Maybe you'll think twice when it costs you millions of dollars in legal fees and settlements. Just as a parking ticket Emma. I got bad news for you. This is a parking ticket. A real question. That will the thing that popped for me is because they filed for bankruptcy, Remington doesn't disappear. Someone else, bought them, you want to know who bought them Blackstone know? Cerberus capital a private Equity, Firm unit, the private Equity Firm headed by X Drexel Burnham, which another company that failed people and, you know, who's their chairman Dan Quayle, that's right X, vice president for quill. Yes, X Vice President of the United States of America. I mean, the guy who was routinely thought of as one of the stupidest, stupidest politics people in US, politics, is the chairman of Cerberus capital. And the, the fact is, this is exactly like the oil companies that when they sell off some assets, it goes to some private company and then you never hear about it again. As they literally like methane methane on fire Remington's. Not gone, there's still building stuff. You just find you. Are you think you're you're fancy expert? Bruce Cohn, what's with all this knowledge coming out of you? I thought you were just font of pre-med verse knowledge. Well, before we end this Emma, it is it a good thing? It is a good thing because the family is only. It's only nine Family Dollars. That's a good chunk of change for families. Why only I just feel like this is going to be appealed somehow and getting rid of it. I don't think they really can at least not. There you go to my research. But no, we're just gonna call this a good thing and shut up, Matt, and we're gonna call it a day now. Get us out of here. Pull the plug. It only took them 15 years to get there. That was ml lurking and Damien Rawls. I'm Matt Scotty, we are free float, media. If you are somewhere in the pre metaverse, get in the metaverse and go to our website, or actually our website on the internet Geto. According to these, I'm gonna see our website. Yeah, it's our website is like, the, the tunnel connecting like Penn Station to, you know, Times Square. It's just leaky, it's corroded, that's our website. That's what you can go there and you can sign up for a newsletter. So do newsletter is there? You can you can send us message is you can call us at 8, 7 2 - 0 1 4. We haven't gotten a new rating in like, like three months. Oh yeah. I want to see more rate. I want. Give us five stars. Why is it? What's that? What's so hard about that? Good? Yeah, this is all getting edited out. Thanks for listening. Bye.