Transcript
Live. From the underside of the underside. It's a Rewritten quiz tacular edition of business pants. Joined as always by Emma. Where's Damian lurking? I'm Matt. Who cares? Scotty? Damian is a feted handkerchief executive office. I don't know where he is. Wow. Yeah like that. Um in today's Elon gated bag see what I did called April 18th 2022, I rewrite the headlines and Emma makes me guess. Pretty usual. Bunch of guessing. I have to do. All right, let's get into this. Everyone's in a while. The media writes headlines for SEO engines that just fail to capture the true essence of the story, but don't worry. We corrected them. For them. We corrected them provide that service. I don't know, people are aware, but we do do that. It is, it is, it is actually part of our Consulting business and analytics business. Absolutely for money. So, call us, we need All right, so let's start this. Here's the first headline. Elon Musk says, the interests of Twitter's board members are simply not aligned with shareholders as the company continues to push to prevent a takeover by the billionaire. Okay, the headline. Should be. Man, who put his brother on board, complains. A different board is not aligned with shareholders. That's right. A man who put his Brooklyn Cowboy, brother. His libertarian, best friend, and his Venture Capital buddy on his own board. Yeah, currently complaining that someone else's board should have his brother on it because they're just not listening to him. I like that. Kimball is his Brooklyn brother, which like, I feel like a lot of people make fun of him before even though I'm pretty sure. He's also South African. We're just like yeah. Kimball the Brooklyn, brother. The Brooklyn musk brother. I mean, he's the Brooklyn cowboys. He's like, he actually looks like a team straight off the L train. Yeah, he does. Here's your next headline. Jack Dorsey. Rips Twitter's board says it consistently been says, it has consistently been the dysfunction of the company. Oh, okay. That's right. He did that. He did that over the weekend. The headline should be adult CEO complains about having to be an adult CEO. Yeah. Yeah, I don't get why he's whining. I don't get it. Well, he's best friends with Elon and that's part of it, but Jack. Brother bra. Here, we thought you were the, most adult social media CEO. And that bar is really really low. It's not a high bar, not. So that's not the highest part of be held to your board is actually full of some professionals and semi-professionals mostly from Google. Okay. Get you but but still The guy who actually was the CEO and chair of the board that you're ripping until nine minutes ago. Is blaming the other board members. Yeah, all so, didn't he like? Isn't that his monster? Didn't he do that wasn't that sort of his whole project? And now he's blaming the other people who were not literally adding people like like there was some there's a there's a woman on his board who's like, you know, was a member of like Nigerian Parliament. Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs MiMi because he he wanted to get into Africa. I mean, these are people that like he's helping hand select according to his strategy, and then he goes on Twitter or in an interview rather and rip some both and rips them a new ones saying they're dysfunctional. I don't, it's a bad, look, Jack, you're looking less adult like by the day, It's not Damien would be really disappointed in your beard. Here's the next headline. Elon musk's cryptic tweet channeling Elvis baffles investors. Oh I saw this. Yeah. Who's writing this? I don't know. The headline should have been Twitter troll confused with Jesus after global case of billionaire founder fetish. Yeah, all right. Elon Musk tweeted quote. Love Me Tender with music notes next to it. That's what happened. Yeah, it's a sign for our Lord and savior techno. Jesus, tell me techno Jesus in his next tweet. I'm sure what he meant to say was, I think I'll wear briefs today instead of boxer's which obviously means I will change my beliefs and where was a code for spend 43 billion on his plan B to buy a different shity company at the same market cap? He's gonna buy Tyson Foods, go long, chicken people, Techno. Jesus loves breaded. Chicken I assign. This is what we've come to. I have never American invested been so grateful to not be an employee of the SEC. Like, dealing with this sounds like a nightmare of the grandest proportions. I can't Technologies. This is a perfect name. I have to compliment you. There he is. You think, do you think that Gary Gensler, when he signed up to be SEC? Chair was like, you know what, I'm gonna have to deal with for like the next, like four years of my life. I a dude Who quotes Elvis and investors panic in by everything Elvis related. I think that the media should be banned on reporting on his tweets for like a week and see what happens to the stock market. You know. It really it. Really, that's a good point. It's like that that Simpsons episode from like 30 years ago when I watched The Simpsons but that where like all of these icons these advertisements come to Life and destroy the town. Yeah, the way to stop them is to not look at them. Yeah, exactly. That's how you win. You just look at them. All right. We're all trapped last up. Here's the headline Mehta. Just in case you don't know what meta is. Its Mark Zuckerberg. Yeah, ex-facebook. But it's Mark Stark work meta loses bid to quash vote on the future of metaverse. Yes, yeah. Headline should have been, oh, that's cute shareholders begs up, not to suck. Good luck, Arjuna Capital, who would be a friend of this show? If they actually knew we existed total? I'm sure they, they they're like, really deep in our wheelhouse. They actually put together a proxy begging Facebook to actually stop and care about quote, the potential psychological civil and human rights harm of the metaverse. Yeah, it's it's been a shity Monday already. I think we all need a good laugh. That's ridiculous. That's not a real thing. The article at least points out that asking Zuck to do, anything is a waste of time since he is a corporate Putin. Yeah, elections and voting are a cute idea though. Am I right? They are. It is cute. It's fun. When it. We almost get there and then be don't because it's it doesn't actually have fun funny. That's what the headline should be. I'm done. Emma, make me learn things. All right, and that I shall well, I don't know. Once you see the contents of this quiz, you might disagree with that statement. That goes I am done, done done, done done talking about Scrooge mcfucking duck today and every day so we're gonna play an Elan list headline quiz, got it. Here are the rules. Rule number one, we do not talk about Elon Musk or anything, even remotely, Elon Musk related. That's not happening any mentions of Elon automatically will receive a billion Point deduction. If you mention him, six times, you will be at negative 6 billion points, which automatically sends you into timeout for babies who refused to end world hunger and then results in an automatic loss of the quiz rule 2, C, get the questions, right? Even get to rule, too. Just so you know. Yeah, I'm playing against no one, so no matter what? No, no, you can lose. I can decide whether you went. Okay, is that kind of game and Rule two is get the questions, right, Matt. Don't screw this up. No pressure. All right, ready? Here's my negative 6 billion contributions. Here we go. Number one. Who was the highest paid female CEO in 2021 one. Raw Brewer from Walgreens to Jane Fraser. From City Bank. Three staff for cats from Oracle or four Carol tomay from UPS well, this one's a little bit loaded because I think Tomei is, is she knew she's new newish? Yes. Brewer. Frasier tomay, all new South Africa's. I'm gonna eliminate because there is like this initial first year bonusy bump. I'm sure if they probably get okay so at least with three UPS sucks ass, I don't think they're gonna get paid a lot. So I'm gonna I've narrowed it down to Fraser and Brewer. Now. If I'm thinking like a mostly white male board. Yep. And I want you to think that I'm real woke. What I would do is give the black woman as much money as I could come up with. So, I'm gonna guess Roz Brewer. Brewer Ross. My logic is impeccable of American CEOs. Rosberg, got paid the 14th most out of All American CEOs, know women cracked the top 10 but she made 28.3 million dollars but where you are wrong, is coming in 15th, is Carol tomay from UPS making 27.6 million dollars. Yeah, kind of threw a wrench in there. All right. Yeah. Next I believe it though. Number two. What did Jordan Bell for guess the scam artist Wolf of Wall Street, Jordan Belfort called Bitcoin three years ago, one? The start of a Second Industrial Revolution, 2 Nonesuch. Three, the most important innovation of the 21st century or four a mass delusion. Well, here's the thing. Bitcoin's price, three years ago. I'm thinking was in like the thousand dollar range, wasn't it? What it sounds like that. It was really low relative to now, right? So and and secondly, Bitcoin is not one of those things that a broker can sell and Jordan Belfort, very famously made all of his money like pumping penny, stocks. Yep, and ripping people off. So he's all about the sale. Sure, I am going to guess that he was out on bitcoin because there was no way for him to make my he's not like an investor. He's doesn't like an invested in a thing. He is the scammer. That's the point. So now I'm guessing, he's I know he's deep into it, it was just written up. He starting something like fund, or something like that, and then I'm guessing he didn't see the scam yet. So, I'm gonna guess a mass delusion. You are annoyingly. Good at this game. It was either nonsense of the highest order of mass delusion, and he is nothing if not incredibly exaggerated. Yes, he is. It's true. All right. Yes, this is true. He did call Bitcoin three years ago, a mass delusion which leads me to question number three. How much did Jordan Belfort charge people to attend a two-day Bitcoin Workshop in his Miami mansion one? Well, a grand two 15 grand 340 Grand or 445 Grand. see, you may have a classic test writer mistake here, which is to say You only gave two plausible options, one thousand dollars to enter that guy's house. Never gonna happen. Never let anybody. That's like, he won't even let his own cleaners in the house that the children. Perhaps. I'm sure. 145,000 on the other hand. He's a salesperson. He knows when you hit a breaking point. So I guess is gonna be either 15 or 40. And if you're selling you have to set the price higher than everyone thinks it should be. So they think they're getting something special. In fact, When I started a hedge fund, which is something that I did a, long time ago, I did I started in 2008 and closed it in 2008. Yeah, as you probably should have given what happened into this thing. I actually asked some people, how much should I charge as a minimum investment, and I was like, 20,025,015,000 and someone said a million and I said, are you kidding me? Not only does no one know who I am. No one cares about what I'm doing. Yeah, the hell's gonna give me a million bucks and they said, if you charge them a million, they think they should give you a million because you must be good. I'm gonna go with three 40,000. Very annoying of you extremely annoying, how good you are playing? You not the game, I'm playing the writer whatever man. Moving on number four, which company is the latest in a long line of Corporations being assaulted by unions one Etsy, two apple three Intel and four FedEx. Intel used to be known as in Hell. Actually, I know some people who worked there and that's what they used to call it. That's FedEx. I'm guessing I don't, I've haven't heard any Rumblings about FedEx Apple. I mean, look, they're like, they build everything in China. There's no way they're unionizing there. So, I'm, I'm torn between Etsy and Intel. I'm gonna go with Etsy. Wow. That is correct. So, sellers are actually, so sellers are currently on strike, but sellers are also, now considering unionization. However, and this does bring me a lot of pleasure. I am bedded a trick because the answer is also. Number two apple. You were incorrect about that one. Makes me very, very happy, and employees, at Apple's Grand Central location, their store in Grand Central Station are collecting signatures for a unionization vote. So, wop wop, you're boring. All right, and finally, number five win, Starbucks, just released a vegan tuna sandwich made from pea protein called the two na sandwich. Would you put said, tuna sandwich in your mouth one? Yes, two know, there is a correct answer. The wait a minute. This is a real story. This is real. Oh yeah, this is 100% real in 100%. No, I will not put fake fish made from pea protein with a pun name in my mouth. Yeah, you even got the explanation half. Right? So my it is, that's correct. The answer is no one because it's called a two na sandwich, which is absolutely unacceptable. We all know that's unacceptable Damien. We're here. He would be mad at us because he loves a pun, but we don't not the two of us and two. It is staying by Howard Schultz's union busting blood money. So it's an absolutely not unlike many upfront. So, unfortunately, Matt Matt did really well during that game. So, I I guess you deserve this. Yes, that's correct. We're gonna go out on that because it doesn't get better than me winning a game against no one that. Lurking. I met mascardi Damien. a fart in the win. Yes, we are. Business pants. We will be back to you tomorrow with more Biz nuggets, goodbye.