Transcript
oh, I like we've gone back to the old intro me too. I gotta be honest, I'm starting to thank you to Emma lurking, who gives me some of her her passwords. And that's the true reason why I love Emma because she gives me passwords of things but I'm rewatching. I actually I don't have any ever watched them watching the Larry Sanders show on HBO and I'm reminded of the glory of the sidekick who says, hey now, That's that's the whole thing. That's it. Yeah, this is Why you come to this show for this content like that live from Zoom headquarters. That's right. Mattia burial mattress. We were just featured on Zoom. What a thrill. It is to watch mountain scurti twice an hour and yeah nothing that's fun. It's a Biz nuggets edition of business pants. Joined as always by Emma, Lou Larkin, Lee and Matt microphone, mad, man, miss cardi, I'm regurgitated Velveeta. Yeah, I feel like it's already pre gurgitate. Do you need to know? I don't want anything to do with that. In today's silly scented back. I'm nuggets called May 10th 2022. We take a quick romp through the headlines and play a game with the game Queen. Oh, the game Queen. Hello, it's me. I like that. She was on the cards better than lure. She was truly the game. Queen she would hit some game. Show music, right? When I said that should be, I'm a game Queen. That's way better than Emma Larkin. The artist the data Queen. I feel like I need a lot of Queen's. Yeah, they're really. This is only one should be what the problem with that. I see no issue. I'm just saying that's, that's the reality I live in. Chester two Queen's. We could have two queens. They can battle each other. All right, let's do this thing. I want to hear the headline. Matt wants to get out of here. So it's music. This is done. This is it, this is it. I need to do everything here. You want some NCAA novita. Oh no, here we go. you know, our Pop Quiz. Would you rather your unqualified pilot flies straight to your destination? or do a giant U-turn, five miles off the ground, in a 100,000 pound tuna can headline of the week, I'm gonna get excited. Yeah. Virgin Atlantic flight to New York forced into mid-air U-turn after bosses, discover pilot is not qualified. How about that? Yeah. So what do you want? Do you want the U-turn? I don't know what I want that for you. Turn doesn't seem like a normal procedure. I don't know. I think maybe I want him to keep going straight. No u-turn. I would like you turn. Yeah, no, turn your ass around. You don't know how to fly the plane properly? Put me down. I want to be back on the ground, not there, but the reason I got accepted when you started talking about it is because I as we say all the time I deeming and I go through literally thousands of headlines a day we go. So can I read every single article? I come across know, did I click on this one? 100% like one because your way of asking for vacation time? Are you going somewhere? Know what I was. I just needed to understand how Unqualified pilot ended up in a cockpit flying a whole ass plane. He was not qualified transatlantic age know nonetheless, I had the right man. Those are real fight. Yeah, you have to assume. Yeah, then yes that's how Of course, you know, it's funny. You just act like you've been there. It's funny. You say that map because when I was working out the jokes, yeah, I actually work on these. I know it's hard to believe. I there was a point in time where there I was using pronouns in their ultimately, I changed it. And I thought to myself, you know, which pronoun should I choose, but I have to choose he because a woman would never let herself fly unqualified across the Atlantic. She would tell them like, no, this is ridiculous. I'm not doing this a woman, if anything would be overqualified to fly the plane. Yeah, and then be like, no, no, I can fly a smaller plane. I it's like, oh no. But you're qualified for this play? No, no it's okay. I don't think I'm ready yet. It's obviously look phds 17 year old Frank Abagnale flu and 1968 TWA flights. Is that the Catch Me If You Can, what is that? Yeah, that's it. That's catch you. Yeah. So, Just saying I'm just saying this was not a case of that and it's fine. Just sit in the just sit and enjoy your cocktail and go to New York. In our remember the good old days when College Dropout Liberty into would blame simple, things like China because scapegoating non-white people is what college dropouts think is the right thing to do headline of the week? Meta slows hiring blaming Apple. War and its stock price. Is that in the right order? Probably isn't the right order actually yeah yes. Apple cost him 15 billion 14 and a half billion because of their privacy one. Simple privacy change in the App Store. It cost me meta. 15 billion dollars. I love that can is there another thing they can change that could cost him another 15 or 20 billion because I say do it and then I don't know what the war has to do with slowing. Not just can't find you because they're busy fighting. Is that what it is? That's just their way. Like, we got a blame, something for sucking. Probably I'm a little disappointed that they did not blame ESG though. That is the one disappointing enemy not on this list like it. They haven't decided to hate ESG yet. They're not there an hour. You can't spell regret without the 8400 square feet Museum. Like Beverly Hills mansion with six bedrooms and seven bathrooms, you bought for 22 million dollars, just last year headline of the week. Former WhatsApp. Exact says he regrets the startup sale to Facebook, because it became a shadow of the product reporter heart into oh last week. Huh? Wow. Oh yeah. I, I saw this a bit ago and I have to admit. I was struggling to have sympathy for this guy. I just that's the joke. I, well, I know I'm talking about it for real Damien. I'm trying to have a discussion. Yeah, I don't. Like, I don't know how to relate to people in that one. Well, figure it out because I have feelings about this and you need to entertain them. Okay, I'm listening, I'm listening. Come on. I struggled to have sympathy for him, but then I did actually like read the whole article and it turns out that what's up was bought sort of before. Face it, it was sort of in before time. Yeah, dare you. It kind of what? Like it was clear. What? Facebook was ramping up to be? I think. Yeah, but it was the chief business officer, who was negotiating? The deal like he he was instrumental in the deal. Yeah, which is why I don't feel bad for him. I think I feel bad for the actual creators of the tech who then their business officer ended up fucking them so oh, I'm sorry, that's asleep. Wow, I just woke up. This is why I know I have a lot of fans in the audience to do everything that I do. I mean, literally everything. It's Damian acolytes. Yeah. Too many training workers. I got rid of WhatsApp. I used signal now, I love you and Elon, hey, by the way, X executive from, what's up, who's crying, alligator tears about selling that would be Mirage, Aurora, you know, you're the founder of what's up Jan koum. Went on to not only get the billions of dollars from baseball, 22 billion dollar sale. But then spent 2016. A championing Donald Trump for the election, right? Like it's not exactly like this is a company pouring their hearts and souls in pure you know, the purity of the hearts and souls into this app, I don't like it. Yeah, over it do something. I just like that. Yahoo news called his new house Museum. Like I thought that was very exciting. That is exciting. I know like In our, I thought a TV was a heated, toilet headline of the week, easy getting confused. Think about it though. A TV is a heated toilet. It's kind of exciting. When you really start to focus on what that, like, I met a diaper. Come on TV here. That line TVs two heated, toilets, a Target and Tokyo energy saving campaign. So, here's what they want, you. Here's what Japanese officials want people to do? They want them to watch an hour less TV a day? Oh, that's it. Now, we're left. That's it one out. They want to switch off the keep warm mode on rice cookers very specific. I like that one. Okay. And refrain from using heater functions on toilet seats until winter. Can I ask you a question? Yeah, what I want to live in, Japan so badly after reading all this stuff. Honestly, I want everyone and ever warm tush. I just want these things and, and what kind of TVs are they buying that require so much energy that the government would ask you to stop watching them for an hour a day because it's that energy intensive. Well the Japanese don't really make TVs anymore do that. I guess Sony. That's Japanese. I don't I this their life is spectacular. In our shock headline alert. Worker's at a drug company. Find other drugs headline of the week. Cocaine worth 50 million dollars. Found stashed in coffee bags. Sent to Nespresso Factory. Over. I just had a long time with my mom about this. When are we going to start recognizing coffee, companies and coffee stores Cafe. They're just truck dealers and nothing wrong with it. But when can we catch up to this to this Emma hates me for this? No, no, I don't. I hate myself right now because when I read this, when this headline crossed my line of vision for the first time I shit you not, I heard Damien's voice in the back of my head going. Oh well, it's two drugs, it's just backed up, drugs. I just like that one set of drug dealers realized they could transport their drugs in another drug. I like that idea. Not that I've ever smoked wheat. Not that I've ever smoked weed. Yeah, I imagine. But but there's a there's a very distinct similarity between the moment where you first open your fresh bag of weed and you first open your fresh bag of coffee 100. Percent smell it. You suck your. You're looking forward to the effects that are by oversight you, come on, I think it's the same. I have the same feeling when I opened up my coffee bag and my cocaine back. Oh yes yeah I don't know. Okay, moving on in our dear Abbott and nestled at all. How is life? I just want to let you know that I'm working on a natural non-commercial way for women to provide milk for their babies. Stay tuned, love God. Headliner of the week. Us faces. Baby formula crisis as shortage worse since I can't believe God got involved in that in a letter right here. This is the first time we've actually Had a letter from God on our show. I'm excited. And I'm shocked that Nestle was the first Target really of all the targets. Abbott Labs and Nestle. I have it Labs maybe less shocking, given that given how? That company is constructed. Oh yay. Yeah, this is an actual. This is an actual bike tuned and the end of the show where Emma will reveal you all will be revealed I quoted. God, that could be bad because I know that I was a very big God believer. I'm confused because I was like, I was tarnishing Abbott Labs in Nestle as the target but our guests day, too. Wow, teaser people, it's coming. In our hey, Ma Webster's has a new definition for exactly. Aligned. It says it means. Definitely not exactly aligned you. Freedom hating Euro trash. Billionaire haters, tell Dad headline of the week. Elon Musk says he's exactly aligned with strict new, EU rules on policing social media platforms. Yeah, I don't think he is, I think no, no thank you know, look, I'm no expert, I'm not exactly sure what the strict new EU rules are. However, I am pretty convinced that he doesn't understand the full extent of them nor how they are going to impact his Twitter Ventures. So I'm gonna say he should look into it a little bit more question from Matt. McCarty has Elon Musk actually read the the rules. No, not But no if he's he's I think he's on a daily basis out of step with the rules of the company, he's buying right now. So I already it's a problem. Mostly though that my what strikes me about this is not whether or not he's aligned it's how much it will cost him to not be aligned because traditionally with the EU is managed to do is pass historic laws, protecting everything and then charge you for pennies for contravening that law and giving you 30 years to comply with it and the process. So I'm not sure I'm exactly he's he is, quote, unquote, exactly aligned in as much as he's aligned, as he needs to be and knows how much it would cost him for his alignment. I think what matters is that the eu's heart is in the right place. Is that we're trying to say yes? What they need is a big enforcement hug from the US because they don't do that very well. Speaking of Elon in our 103 million subscribers, maybe but 104 million subscribers know, never gonna happen headline of the week, Elon Musk reportedly wants to launch a new Twitter product called X. Which he projects would have 104 million subscribers by 2028. It's the weirdest pledge you love it. When when there's an exact number, that's what is up with this dude, though? He is constantly. He promises everything. Like it's always in the future. It's always got some kind of like it comes from a science fiction movie. Why does it endlessly annoying and listening? What? It's all got to be X too. Like like it's so secretive. We can't say what it is. We can't name it. We can't say it. We just Secrets always boat. Well, when no one is privy to what is going on with them? Yeah, Twitter X is all. So highly likely to conform with Europe's new rules on police social media platforms. And our hey Carl there must be an easier way to get your four man Bros together headline of the week. Yeah, it's called icon icon, reaches deal with Southwest Gas to out CEO and revamp port. And here's why I made this stupid ESG joke because who is he bringing on he's bringing on his four-man Bros, Andrew Evans, Russell frisbee junior, Henry Lingenfelter, and Andrew tenno. This is like a joke that we would make like two Andrews a frisbee I can filter like what is this? Look That that's my one woman call come on. That's actually literally the Yellow Pages of joke names that we came up with on our show to Andrews a Frisbee and a frisbee frisbee junior junior. That means he's the second world. Yeah, you just crucial second rust. Frisbee. Oh my God, I got one more and then I'll hand it off to Emma. And our, this one's for you. I'm actually okay, in our, it's actually like relatively serious. Okay, now we're out. In our here, PR firm, Zeno groups purpose is this is true. We Champion the courageous to achieve something better for human kind shot up, no way. That's the the pr firms. You know, groups, purpose, PR firms Zeno. Group's mission is We are committed to a culture that elevates Communications through bold ideas for real business and societal impact. Here's the headline. A PR firm that works with Netflix and Starbucks quietly. Advise clients to not take a stance on abortion rights and that PR firm is Zeno group. Championing, the courageous Among Us. How courageous is it to, you know, allow women to do what they want with their body, really? Just sorry more quietly. That's the part I love. When the part about the headline that Drew Damian in is revealed slowly through the joke which is the quietly advice. Yeah. It's always that as I'm a pointed out a few weeks back in battled whenever in battle a quietly shows up at a headline. It's like, let's let's play. Let's think quietly. With Russell frisbee, Junior. Before I head off to Emma for a quick game. She want to say to all companies that hire headline writers because when Matt fires me call me I could fight better headline. It's true. I would be better. I could kill in the headlines the program. What do you got? All right, come on. Come on, let's do this, shall we? What I feel so much more relaxed, right? I just tinkled in my metadata diaper. I'm so excited. Come on again, never and the metadata you never have to take off. Let's do it. All right, so, It's game time. Everyone's favorite time. And today is game is Guess Who someone who pissed me off today Edition? Wow. Yeah. Someone pissed off. Am I every day? Yes they do. They like it's play this game every day. Yeah. Yeah. So let's we're let's make the show not a million hours so let's just do it number one, this billionaire paid 8 million dollars to go to space with blue origin and donated his seat to a New York school teacher. The options are Dan Griffin, from Citadel, Phil Knight from Nike, Josh Harris from Apollo and Ray dalio from Bridgewater. For those of you who don't know, who probably three out of those four people are. Don't worry about it, it's not important. I know, all the answers of these, I'm gonna let Matt play. Oh, I'm trying to remember of Dan Griffin Josh Harris and Ray dalio Ray dalio is the oldest. I think she Joshua Griffin, our left and I can't remember who's older out of the, two of them like a young name. Does he thought the same thing? I'm leaning Josh specifically? Because it feels younger and it would be a young idiot who would pay 8 million dollars to go to space and then donated to New York school teacher. I'm going to go Josh Harris so cute. Damon Emma. ah, I feel like I should I hey, if you know the answer, you know the answer, You can just sort of this one, I'm gonna I I think Matt's, right? But just to make it fun. I'm gonna say Dan Griffin. Danny Boy. Danny Griffin. Oops. Sorry, quiet time, quietly. Advised me, that Damian is correct. Damian is correct. It is Dan from sit down. Can we take a can we take a note here? Can we take a pause here and you can pause the recording. You can end the live but Emma when we're both answering a question, we had different answers and you hit the the correct. The correct answer Bell. How do we know who's right? What do you immediately after like, I always do you hurting me? You're hurting say it right after because I my brain thinks, oh, we're both right. That's what I think. Yeah. So your brain is gonna have your penis. Educating me, you're a librarian, you can figure it out, resume recording in live. Okay. So, yeah, it was Dan Griffin from Citadel. And as you can probably predict this pissed me off because why spend eight million dollars to send. Actually, it's actually two teachers who are going to space because the program that he bought it from is like a billionaire, buys a seat for himself, and a friend, sort of a situation, but it's supposed to be some charitable nonsense and so insided of him go going, he's giving another teacher an opportunity to go to space, but all of it is stupid because why would you spent send or spend eight million dollars to send teachers to space when you could just donate 8 million dollars to like their school to get Give teachers fucking colored pencils. I don't know it's stupid. And, you know it. I do want to point out. One thing though that threw me off a little bit. Yeah, because I chose Josh, but Dan Griffin is actually Ken Griffin, right? Ken Griffin is the founder of Citadel and Ken Griffin's. The one who won? It's a little hard to win the game. Wow. Oh, you did you. Did I say that's why did mess with Matt's mine? I'm Kenny, boy, I made. Kenny boy. Okay. Sorry apologies his name is Ken sorry. Ken name is Danielle again. I get it wrong over this to get a mole game. Moving on. All right, moving on. Number two, Who called the cops to report to Facebook of public property. After someone wrote a pro abortion rights message in chalk on a public sidewalk outside this person's house. It's it's actually worse than that because in the quote is the word please Serious. Yeah. All right. This one's sort of got ruined and pre-production. But that go ahead. And we'll see if Matt, let's see, if Matt's brain is working because he just delivered an incredible. One hour speech at a conference on the gym, so he's he might be a bit. Well, I tell you, so I know I see the options here and it's Susan, Collins, Marsha Blackburn, Kevin McCarthy and Joe manchin? No one ever would be able to find Kevin McCarthy's house. I'm sure it's a bunker somewhere so that he doesn't have to interface with normal people. And he's a white male, no one to ask for you, right? Yeah. There's no way Joe manchin is I think he's on top of a Coal Mountain right now and not available. There would be no sidewalk right, like, right. It's literally was Virginia. I think it's just piles of coal in front of his house to show how cold friendly he is. Which leads me with the two women Marshall, Blackburn, using Collins and Marsha, I'm guessing in Tennessee. Probably does have a sidewalk in Susan. Collins also has a sidewalk. So by Protestants, I'm down to two with sidewalks and not in bunkers. It's around a bike Cole, I see yourself. I would be a 50/50 to step up because I know the answer. I'm going to say Susan Collins. Damian, was that time clear enough for you? Did you understand? Who is correct? Are you okay? Are you with us? Yes, it was Susan Collins and it was absolutely ridiculous and pissed me off number three. Oh, it's terrible. Yeah, I, I implore people to Google the store and look at it is, I'm 99% sure that by calling the cops about the chalk that she's gonna have six million chalk messages. All like everywhere from now I know and the police are going to show up and be like, I don't know, get a hose like what are they to do? And can we start calling it pro? Abortion rights like isn't it just human well? Like, don't we just started a human rights, the human rights. Yeah, we we are the local paper where I read this article kind of trolled Susan by by telling the the readership that the message actually was washed away by Monday because of the rain. So this is that's how that's how serious the threat. It wasn't here. All right. Number three. This person said the following that pissed me off the topic student loan. Forgiveness. It looks like a loser issue for the party that is trying to win back the working class, we who didn't go to college and didn't benefit from that, are going to subsidize you to get your degree in gender studies in Sports Marketing, your options. Joe Rogan Bill Maher Ben Shapiro and Larry Ellison. I mean it could be any of the first three. I know the answer but it's certainly to me it could be any of the first three. I feel like don't they peddle in this game of trolling? I well I don't quite understand because Ben Shapiro went to Harvard, right? So I don't understand why the quote would be we who didn't go to college and didn't benefit from that or going to be the answer, you to get your degree in gender studies and Sports Marketing. It doesn't feel like a bill mark quote, although it actually kind of does he's been trolling Democrats as much as Republicans, man. Larry Ellison, dropped out, which is why he's in this list, write isn't he a Dropout? He's one of the last Dropout. He's, I see what she's doing there. Um, really smart throw in but that's a throwaway. Larry Ellison is going to fund something. That destroys Humanity. Not talk about it. Openly. I don't think which leads me with. I, I'm really sorry. You're right, Damien, I'm trying to the first three different if you squint. Is there a difference there? I don't know. They both get. They both could say that. I mean, I'm gonna say, I like it. I do like, the, the binary here of gender studies, or Sports Marketing. Is that right? Is that the big joke, like the girls and the boys? That's what they study, I guess, I guess the clever very well, I'm gonna get on underneath Emma's skin and say Joe Rogan just pisses her off by exist. So this quote would not qualify a Ben Shapiro, would never even, she wouldn't even bother like. It wouldn't even be a quote that she read. Which means it's Bill Maher because it's supposed to be someone who's championing things that are similar to her, but is saying something like that. It pisses her off. I'm going to bill Mark. Although before you answer, I will say the Bill Maher went to Cornell. I don't know if Joe Rogan. I don't know. Where did he go anywhere? I don't even know if he graduated college. So does that change your answer? Know, still bit more. Okay, I know the answer. Go ahead, Emma. It is Bill Maher. That is sick. It is and I this one really got me today. I don't know why Bill Maher, pretty consistently pisses me off with dumb shit that he says, but man. This. Yeah, so I will say that. What makes the quote Strange Music so Rogan? Joe Rogan went to UMass Boston butt, but pointless and dropped out. Where's Bill Maher? Got an undergraduate degree at Cornell and I believe and Ivy League school, right now? Yeah, yeah. I don't really get this perspective. I don't get the quote. Yeah, the we who didn't go to college thing is very confusing. He might. So yeah, one of the tenants of his argument is that a large percentage of people who have student loans. The loans are for grad school, rather than undergrad. So maybe if he doesn't have a graduate degree he's saying okay, all these people who are choosing to go to graduate school who are hypothetically going there, so they can get higher paying jobs like why are we paying for that etc etc. And there's so much wrong about that. There's no need to get into it so we can keep this show short but it's no. I think he's actually saying that the working class didn't go to college. So if you're trying to court the working class, That even true though even forgiveness for elitists who like subsidizing loan forgiveness. So the working class pays taxes. They're subsidizing loan forgiveness for a bunch of people who went to get their degree in gender studies and Sports Marketing. That's not going to win their votes, that's what he's saying. He's kind and not wrong about that, but he may be totally wrong about the assumption that the work I agree with you. I think the letter is probably giving up on trying to win the vote of the, right. I don't know. I think we just the left is basically giving up on winning votes. They don't have any talking points that are interesting and they're they don't actually pass policy, that's meaningful. The entertainment. Value of the left is definitely on the low side when you have the comparisons for sure. That's what I'm into now. All right. And finally, this one, this one is honestly this one is for both of you who promised Lachlan Murdoch that he would join Fox Sports as a lead. Game day analyst upon his retirement. Aaron judge. Yeah. Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers or Mookie Betts? I like how you kind of made it a little Boston Central there was, wait a minute is Lachlan. Murdoch, is he the gross son or the or the good son? Isn't one of them like anti Murdoch family? Yeah, so I believe that Lachlan is the bad son. I think the best son isn't involved anymore. He's not a good, son isn't involved. The bad son. Is the one who's taking over? Isn't that the succession? Yes, I only. I only brought that up to tell people to that. If you haven't watched succession, Don't Be a Jerk. Watch succession on HBO. Come on, future, watch it. All right. I know the answer to this one too. I suspect Matt does. Yeah, I mean this is hard to avoid and just to just for clarification sake it wouldn't be Mookie Betts because he's black, right? Like that it's they're just we go, it's four men, three white men and one black guy and there's no way it was gonna be um, Oh, Aaron judge, I guess isn't white, is he? No, he's not. No, well, Keenan eliminate the two of them then, which leaves us Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers, because I think what you're getting at is who would actually be in a room with Lachlan we're not in the first place, right? Because they're black. Exactly. There are black athletes who who do commentatori, right? Yeah, code commentary to my favorite computer to my favorites. Pedro and Big Papi but but yeah who is actually gonna are they hanging out with Lachlan Murdoch? You know, like discuss please there you don't exactly so that leaves us Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers, Aaron Rodgers and we're in the Northeast. We're in New England. So it's it's Tom Brady and it's sad. Correct. I'm not sure that I believe this headline because it really is hearsay. It's just It's very unsubstantiated except for Lachlan Murdoch saying yeah he told me so so we'll see. I think it's the, it would make for the least compelling lead game day analyst ever like yeah, like Tom Brady. Tom Tom's a smart guy, though. I mean, sure, maybe he's football. I want really, I don't really want to talk football here, but I will say this, I'm gonna talk football for a second. I know that they have a guy named Troy Aikman doing games. I don't like, he's a lot, he's a lung head, he's like a, he's got like a shovel for a brain, so I how could Tom Brady be anywhere? That's it. I'm done. He's faulty 6,000. Okay. Well still, that's the shovel. All right, that's all I got. Let's wrap this up. That's enough because we got 40 minutes of content out of a 10 minute show that is Tammy and Hollis and Emma lurking. I met discarded. We are free float. Media come back. Some other time for some other stuff. We'll be back tomorrow. Goodbye.