Transcript
Hello. Oh man. Emma's back. Am I lurking? Is back She is, she's lurking. Know, she's back. That's it company. She's back. Alive, any full. From that dark part of your closet where? All your favorite shirts have fallen? It's a rip roaring. Biz nuggets Tuesday, business pants. Yeah. A little when you talk like a bro, dude, join us always by Emma Lurkey, lurk lurking. And Matt still hasn't killed the acronym despite his empty promises Mascari. I met a bob. Does today's oversized duffle bag of biscuit crumb nuggets called June 14th 2022 nugget shape nuggets, Matt. Come on. How come there are no duffel baggies? That is the best invention idea you've ever had. Once you pour yourself a couple coffee, sit back, I'm caught off guard. All right, jokes, dumb jokes. I mean we yeah, let's do it. Let's nugget out. Oh, we do have to say there is a feature to these nuggets. Some of which are not nuggets, which we make it too later on that make Damien read things. So I'm gonna can I just say, I'm doing some of my own protest because I thought ml was gonna be here and I sometimes I write just to piss off Emma. Oh no, I don't get that. I don't get that Advantage. Well she'll be our one YouTube Watcher, okay. I was like okay so it'll work. The first one's a long one and I promise. They'll They'll tighten up. I'm already tired of this. in our, Number one didn't like being called the other Bob. Number two, things rice is overrated. Number three believes. Only Bobs are fit to run Disney. Number four didn't like being called bald Sea Word. Bob number five was jealous of his slender physique. Beautiful brown hair stylist, nerdy glasses and sexy, British accent number six. Suspected. He was tiktok friends with BlackRock CEO, Larry Fink headline of the week. He flashpoints that led to Disney CEO, Bob chapek pulling the trigger on top exec, Peter rice. Yeah, while foreshadowing, I do the same headline but I like yours better than what was in the article. I'm on, you probably just sneezed into a napkin know, I read the article in our, in other news disgraced wework. Founder, Adam Neumann, raising money for new startup called, we phone booth headline of the week. Looking where to work remotely libraries could be your New Haven. Yeah. Matt, The New York Times talked about how Library public libraries are the new Wii work. That's how they said it the new wework, not buying that but I am curiously and happy by the fact that. Can you imagine how bad covid would have been if we still had to use phone booths? Wow, you're not there, you're alone. Oh, like you. Yeah, right. And yeah. It's like, yeah, you're gonna sneeze in our under the handset, and somebody to come in and put a quarter in and just rub it on there. But don't remember like the late 90s where you'd grab the pave, one receiver. And you wipe it down with your grubby. Oh yeah everybody. Yeah. It was pretty sure that solves covid. You just into your T-shirt. Yeah. You sure. Uh, and not to get too nerdy here but come on. I mean we work is the old Public Library. Let's let's give credit to the original Public Library. Come on here. You make your front of your mom joke and our Reason number 342,725 to quit, the NFL headline of the week. Little Caesars takes over as the official Pizza sponsor of the NFL. Have you ever had Little Caesars? Actually, I've had a lot of little seizures and I do tell my friends. Yes, I have friends. It's really not that bad and it's cheap. It's really horrifically. Bad. Are you kidding me right? Frozen pizza. Okay. All right so I'm set the bar. I'm a grubby loser, an hour. Go to effing Popeyes headline of the week. Popeyes is selling chicken for just 59 cents. Here's how to get it. This is the journalism out of business inside her. That's all the curation suggests that you were very hungry and pre-production. Like we went from Little Caesars to Popeye's Chicken. I was just hoping to get Emma involved in that one. She likes to pretend like she does. Like, I mean, Popeye's is basically the Taco Bell of fried chicken, isn't it? In our hey, Ma. Can K7 bought 2050 come over and play. It has 30 minutes of battery charge left and wants to binge watch, stranger things in 17.4, milliseconds and then have a medic grilled cheese sandwich headline of the week. Google engineer believed chatbot had become an 8 year old child. Experts say it's not sentient. Just programmed to sound real. This is a strange story Matt. Yeah. Then they let that guy. They put that guy and leave. Why for seconds? Why why Well look there's donating to Larry Fink's presidential campaign. Why I put them on leave it. Well there's only one of two reasons why you would put him on leave either, he is correct and revealing the fact that something that Google doesn't want you to know like or he's incorrect. And then why the hell is he telling everybody that it actually became sentient. Shut the hell up. Interesting. So I two options here, my mom. And finally, in the first part of my nugget segment, I'll hand it over to Matt. In our the other half said, time to cut back on women's rights headline of the week. Nearly half of Amazon shareholders. Agree time to cut back on plastic packaging. Yeah, but you know what? You know, I saw that. Yeah. The lips, like, cutting back on plastic packaging in the, the cons that are the word, the cons, like, cutting back on women's rights, which ones. Even I got, you know, I'm where are you? What's that? Are you, I've met, I'm mostly focused on the nearly half like a mostly on the one even made wrist. Org for that headline from Chris. All right, what he got. All right, I'm gonna Channel some Damian Ross right now. Some first time anyone's ever said that, I appreciate it. Yeah, well I'm that's what I'm here. I, I'm here to please in our, hey Ma, they just announced a run on lady part products and you have lady Parts tell, Dad headline of the week. Major tampon makers, pledged to tackle us shortages. Let's go more shortages. Yeah, this is the running list of ways. We hate ladies. We've got abortion bands. We've got formula shortages. You got Pace shortages? Is it pay Gap? You got tampon shortages. Now, you got to deal with. And there's another headlines today. If you're in Germany, you've got major beer bottle shortages, so he can't even drink your Sorrows up with women. I don't understand that. I'm just saying after all the shortages, the women giving can't even drink their sorrows because no one cares about them with the beer. In our speaking of pace, shortages in our hey, we have 0.04% of the money we made left year. This leftover, should we spend it on kombucha? Or ladies, ladies, ladies really? Uh, headline of the week. Man, you like that. You need to, you need a few lessons in this. Yeah, go ahead. I thought that was great. Now. That's a good. Google to pay 118 million after being accused of underpaying, 15,500 women. Oh just just for reference, Google brought in 257 billion dollars last year in Revenue. Billion that was 0.04% is what they paid for the women. They didn't pay enough And then, for my last nugget of the day, which I'm sure you're sad about. but it's duplicate of yours and better than yours in our I feel like we need a seventh reason. Yeah. Anyone think of a 737 know, all right, six. Then headline of the week, six key flashpoints that led to Disney CEO, Bob chapek, pulling the yeah. On top of exact Peter rice. The article suggests rice was like, go because he made too much money. The Disney life, first thought he was suspect, he came from Fox, no one liked how he spent the money. He renewed two crappy shows and he was a potential successor to Chapin. That's not listed in the article left, on The Cutting Room floor, to get to six. He chewed really loudly when he ate crispy, chicken and he wore loafers, this spring that were actually two 2020 for Disney. All right, that's possible. Actually because he is British and I'm thinking he probably thought that crispy chicken was kind of like a fun American treat and he didn't really know how to eat it, you know, just Doesn't happen as much. please moving on, in our I'll have the wood oven, roasted Stop & Shop. Grocery bag in garlic, straw butter, main fingerling bottle caps, and a squeeze of microplastic lemons, headline of the week. More plastic than fish, in Seas by 2050. Wow. How are they counting that? Like to three. In our the goats and pigs said, we told those dumbasses that unionization is far more effective than a mad cow genocide blanket headline of the week. New Zealand, considers taxing cow and sheep burps to combat climate change. I only added this we talked about this yesterday, but I only added this because This new headline. What? We didn't know about the Sheep burps. We only do what the cow burps. This is like new information, new data here. It's all livestock, isn't it? But I, the real problem I have is, are you suggesting that the cows and sheeps should unionize to fight this? That was like with your recording? This article that? Yeah, because the goat and pigs already have I mean I don't want suggesting anything I'm just Reading you, this is pure journalism, business pants news. and our we finally figured out where Emma lurking was hiding headline of the weeks space bubbles between Earth and the Sun. Possibly could reverse destructive climate change, according to MIT, researchers Spaceballs Matt baseballs. That's where Emma was. You know, what I was mocking this until I saw the MIT part. I'm officially a East Coast elitist because I saw the MIT part. I was like, I buy it, I buy it nurse, Space Bubble, I buy the idea of MIT. I do I buy into it, I do I'm yeah, I'm pumped. Do you? You did read it though? Like, because it's not obvious, when you say that what it is, they know they're suggesting like you put a bubble. You actually launch a bubble into space. Okay, just making sure that we're on the same page with some hope. Oh, we got a trio coming up here. In our Keep Larry thinks hands off my goddamn missiles headline of the week. This is a very worrying Trend. Nuclear missile numbers are set to grow for the first time since the Cold War. Oh, get on that. We don't actually talk about missile manufacturers. Who makes those missiles? Are they publicly traded corporations know? They are no, some will be like Parks will be part right. It's government control but they probably just the stake holder Supply comes from. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So we'll short them. and our Keep Larry Fink's, pervy. Anti-god cartoon out of my son's iPad manufactured by a gay CEO. Wait, should we make an anti-wolf against Apple headlight of the week? Hmm, Pixar's Lightyear. Which features a same-sex kiss. May not survive censorship in the world's largest movie Market in 14. Other countries. Are my Disney, right picks? It is owned by Disney. Yeah, there's the same sex kiss in a cartoon and countries are going to ban that you heard this already Arabia has already banned it in China's considering Banning it. Yeah, yeah. I mean classy. Classy move. But it doesn't just go into your anti-wolf pile of headlines does only if they get a letter from Minnesota senator saying that this is in contravention there. Well, somehow being too woke or whatever. I don't know that you us, there's just making up laws. They go along about. I realize I'm making a silly joke there, but but how does it take Texas? Senator feel about and openly gay CEO? Of Apple. Is that okay? It seems that seems whoa to me. It's like a doctrination of something. I mean don't don't children use iPads, I know. I'm actually serious. Should there be a law against Apple? Well as long as he doesn't use the women's bathroom because there's only men's and women's bathrooms and it would be then I think it's okay. I can't tell it's impossible to keep up. Here's the sad part in the scary part is that you notice that a lot of our stupid jokes end up becoming true. So like these I know they're four years old. There will be a senator trying to get Tim Cook Out of Apple. I mean right? I please I'm trying to keep this a light show. I don't want to kill myself. Moving on it. In our Heap. Larry thinks God hating pervy and a gun hands off. My Netflix machine, headliner of the week Shonda Rhimes Jimmy Kimmel among 200 Hollywood creators pledging to show gun, safety on screen. Okay. Yeah, I don't even know. Does that mean that we don't is now Netflix two? Is that not on Netflix? I some of it must be on Netflix on Netflix. I would like to get these. Yeah, these Senators would hate things like I'll go ahead. You go ahead isn't Kim on ABC, that's owned by Disney. Yes, which is owned by Disney. So, are we throwing our hat back into the woke? Ring? Disney? Didn't we just finished that? Then we just get over. Like, don't say gay. Say, gay, we did it wrong. We're not gonna do it wrong. Now, you're gonna let them do gun safety on it and you're gonna get a letter from Marco Rubio telling you you're too woke and why protests This seems like a hedge, like I would think, like banning guns on screen would be the woke response, but showing gun safety. I took a moderate response, right? I think it's only thing. It's okay to own the AR-15, but make sure it's like, held like this and not like that podcast. No one can see me. Yeah, I do. Probably. Like, if they show the gun safety and shoot something anti woe like oh, like a like live. Then I think you've you've had yourself. No one will get finally in our listen to business. You absolutely moron headline of the week. Here's the headline, how to become happier according to science. See, that threw in there, that yeah, I saw that it was lame. How was like that headline, is once every four months? Yeah. Now let's do our special bit. Okay, our very own ml lurking back from the dead, I guess, right? When when you're not with us, we consider we think your debt. We just you're dead to us, dead to us, right? And she was tasked with joke, writing this morning. So let's see how she did. Okay. Are you ready? Yes, this is from the desk. Of Emma Larkin. This is I'm gonna read verbatim What Emma wrote? I'm not add living. This is from our berry own Emma. Looking her temp, very excited. Make a funny now. Remember Damien, not saying anything, not written. All right? Calm down people. So and by the way, I haven't preview this is there anything heinously racist or misogynistic? I don't, it's not me. I didn't really hoping. I actually I'm hoping that's racist thing. All right here we let's do it. Yeah, come on. See how this is. I guess. This is a this is a test to see how am I looking his brain is doing. Yeah, well, I'll give you the headline, then you read the joke. Okay. Got it go. Here's the headline. Little Caesars takes over as the official Pizza sponsor of the NFL. Number one, this is nothing more than an obvious attempt by the NFL to align themselves with dictators and colonizers under the guise of a lucrative Pizza sponsorship. Oh, that one did well, the audience like that. One that landed. Yeah, they like it, which is great because they didn't laugh any of my jokes. Number two, they're former fast. Casual Pizza chain partner, Pizza Hut, accessible Democratic working class. Yeah, I don't really know that one didn't I didn't get that one. Number three, Little Caesar's reeks of wealth privilege and global domination by the white man. Okay. Yeah, the audience agrees with that. Yeah, okay. I'm I'm I wonder if she is she being sarcastic here. You're reading verbatim, maybe the Little Caesars where she comes from are different. But up here, it really is the opposite reek of wealth and privilege. When I mean no offense, just read the message that strip mall up. I exit 8, she is okay. Producer, just read the script for Number Four, Little Caesars isn't even possessive. There is no apostrophe, thus, it must be plural. The NFL is perpetuating a world run by many fascist megalomaniacs, wake up sheeple, take that stuff crossed out of your stupid mouth and let's go. It taste some dictatorial, pizza fuckers. I kind of like that last one, it's just not that she's Heavy and that the crowd loves it as they showed as they showed. All right, number two, here's the number two headline. Google to pay 118 million after being accused of underpaying 15,500 women. okay, I think I think that 118 million dollars is an appropriate amount of competition for perpetually, paying 15,000 women less than their male counterparts. Are you Rider? There's a crowd. Okay. And finally get it each woman involved should be happy with their 7,600 restitution. And then Justice will have been served. Just like dinner will be once they get home from court and prep it and cook it and serve it and clean up that one landed, what's going on? Yeah. You must landed from the misogynist that was misogynist Damien Rallis and I am at Mascari we are free float media. This was business pants. That was there were some news in there somewhere and that was some nice if you like trying to keep it like, you know what, no, you know what? I haven't seen a lot of rating. We've got some ratings, just give us five stars, please, we still have that. We still have downloads. Can go up one week and it doesn't affect the ratings at all. No, it doesn't. So please download this. Send it to your friends rated. You want to know why? Because I can't afford Little Caesars yet. We need to we need this to be a thing so that we can get some little scissors come back tomorrow.