Business Pants – 2022-09-22

Live. I'm not gonna yell today. Apparently live, I will be yelling, probably later, but I'm not not yet. Live from the JP Morgan breakfast nook. I too late for breakfast. I don't. Why are we there? I don't have to wait for breakfast. It's a depressing version of the good game, maybe what? We love Emily called the bad game. Can you do brunch on a weekday? That seems So bougie are you can do brunch every day. Join us always by the data queen and the boards sabermetrics guy. I'm molten lava and today is methane stained bag of Alabama. Sent it nuggets. Call September 22nd 2022. The bad game. Come on. Let's do it. Yeah, I rounded up all the headlines that suck. And you sell it. Hard, you two, esteemed pundits are gonna tell me, let's go from one to 10 how much they suck, how bad they are. You got that already? That makes sense. Now, 10 being the worst ten, just Life is terrible. I'm not gonna I'm not waking up today. I'm not opening my blind. I'm not. I'm gonna rub the brunch all over the back of my toilet. All right, based on the headline. Yes. Yeah I got it. You usually whatever. Usually I actually read something about these headlines and annotate like I'm prepared. Yeah, today because older dad game. I've done nothing. This is not about punditry, this is just reacting to how terrible the corporate world is or is not and I think Matt I think our cheated and looked ahead. I think. Oh all right. Do we have categories or we just Rumble? It's all let's Rumble. Come on, let's do it. Alright, here we go. We'll start with this is the headline that made me want to create the game this week. This is a classic. This is an all-time business pants. Classic you again. None of these none of these headlines are made up. No embellishment. This is all real all real corporate behavior and no Anti-esg world. The ESG actually does not know how to quantify any of this. So just stop your hand ringing. that actually like when I read this next headline, actually, the ESG world has no way of reducing your rating for it, or whatever. So just stop your nonsense. All right, here we go please. All right, this is a class so much so much context. It can't get better than this. I almost feel sad that I'm leading off with this special. Want to get you guys into the mood and it's probably a story you've already heard, but I don't care. Here we go. And all time businessman's classic. Here's the headline beyond me. See. Oh, arrested. For biting man's nose after college football game, that's right. Oh, it's true. At a plant based food company to see is eating men's noses. Doesn't he have like a? Yeah, let's do it already. Come on of be on me. So aggressive. Um actually I like Ari's take that. It's very aggressive because not just because it's obviously aggressive. But don't you associate that kind of behavior with men eating meat at sporting events. This is roof that there's no woke agenda. Even at your the woke is company possible. And I looked this guy, I looked up his head, his, what do you call the shot? The, when you get your mug shot your mugshot, it's just a frat party goon there is no woke agenda in the corporate world people. Even you're woke us companies have jerks at college football games, eating other jerk spaces. That's Even. And this is why I don't go to college. I just see I got a problem. Yes. And that my problem is. You put this in the bad game. Yeah. How bad is this when your coo is eating men's faces and getting arrested? For how bad is that? Matt for who? Because this is amazing for us, this is beyond me. It already have already having a lot of struggles, its share price. Declining this is this is gonna be it's a Taco Bell. Now they'll come back. This is gonna be hard to battle Ari. What you think when you start a song about this crazy? See what The top five named executive officers. Peers in the proxy statement. That's how awesome and famous he is. Yeah. And now he's gonna show up to work after doing no, that's this is nuts. I'm gonna give this a nine on that scale. Is this guy fired immediately? How does he survive this? But anyway, yeah, you go ahead. What's your score? And I think he got to work and they high-fived him that day. And they were like, very stoked because now what was a woke veggie like like liberal company, true. Looks like it's full of tough man who don't care about. Like the now it's like if you are a rancher in Texas you can be like yeah that beyond meat. I thought was for Lefty like weak liberals, but do you hear what the CEO did? He's Smackdown. A guy in ate him. Now it's approved for tailgating. Is that one or more brilliant takes this? So This is actually a premeditated anti-wolf gesture in anti anti-wolf gesture. This is everything. I give it as zero which is the correct score because it's not bad. It's great. Let's moving on. I I put some robot headlines together for you. I got three robot headlines to stop it. Robot headlines. First, meet Erica. The Laughing robot designed to make AI more empathic. Number two. Elon Musk is getting ready to unleash an army of humanoid robots. Number three, Brazilian startup to launch weed, killing robots for us farmers. Laughing robot. Is that the first one? To make AI more empathic and think about that are laughs. That's weird. I don't like that. How bad is this like that? What about Elon musk's Army of humanoid robots. How does that make you feel sorry? I mean, that's expected. What else? Do you expect from Elon Musk obvious? That's correct. That's, he's just replacing Humanity with robots and Mars, but we'd killing robots. So you're training Ai and robots, to kill things, what's next? You are look, I actually have a problem with the weed, killing robots. Because crabgrass, considered a weed for people's Lawns, right? Like people like, don't like crabgrass, try to get rid of it, except that crab grass. Grows natively here, we're finding that our lawn which is full of crabgrass is like Lush and green all summer because it holds water better, its native and it's happy it grabs the soil mightily And so, what are we trying to kill it? For? Why not just tame it my dog of grasses? Not to mention that. My dear father used to tell me about. They used to eat dandelion greens, regularly that go outside and collect them for their meals and now we consider that to be weed. So now we're doing now. We're sending a robot to kill killing food. Like don't kill. Don't kill the plants because you don't like the way off your way off track here. Somebody give me how bad is this. Are you go? Come on. How about three headlines is lots of talk about. Well, the Laughing thing I just can't get past that first headline. So I'm going to give this an eight. Oh he already doesn't like laughter. No no they don't know humor like they don't you know there's no real like real laughter does real after real after just make art does that make you cringe? I would say. This is a six which is all so the correct answer. So two for two, I'm correct. Moving on. Was a Tesla headline, Tesla recalls, almost 1.1, million vehicles, that fail to detect, fingers, getting pinched, and automatic windows. Are you having an electric vehicle? What do you think about this? I didn't know that cars. Detected fingers getting pinned. I think I didn't know that either. Don't, they don't remember my fingers getting pinched when I was a kid. I'm sure before it's terrible feeling. I mean, I remember purposely rolling the car window up on people's fingers. Two pinch. Someone's fingers. This is a rite of passage and I can't believe they're doing a recall on this. So this, you know, not give this a too. Well, I think the idea is that this is not when you are manually rolling up, your windows. Are this is when the automatic setting. So, when you, when, you know, you automatically rolled up. So it's supposed to detect whether those in the window. You don't care. Move your arm out. I don't Know, I don't. Know, how do you feel for recall? Yeah, whatever the game is confusing to me because this is, is how bad is this? This feels like bad for about, like a Tesla, it's great for us, discussing it. How bad is it for Elon Musk about as it for people with arms, or like Elon Musk has already recalled like, like 90% of the cars that they've made, like it's just he recalls his deals to buy companies, he recalls his cars, he can't recall some of the things he said in the past. I I don't think it's five, it's five moving on. Heifers say Goldman Sachs CEO. David Solomon has asked them to help with his DJ account. So imagine this imagine you're working at Goldman Sachs and you don't be CEO. DJ diesel comes over and asks you to help him with his 8-track. Oh, I love it. I love this. I would hate that so much. I would enjoy making fun of him later with my friends at work, but I would hate the ass. I would absolutely hate it. Here, this is a no win situation if you're a staffer. And first of all the staffers that you asked to do this, it's not the managing director and head of who's the head of fixing know? It's a double like me, it's literally a dope in the Mailroom who the CEO was like, oh dude, you play too. Yeah, it's someone who can help me with my album. Like it's the worst question you could get because the last thing you want is for the CEO to spend extra time with a guy who thinks he's a great musician because he's the CEO of a company. I I hate this, I hate it, it's it's a 100. What do you Go ahead. It's a great time for bonding for somebody that wouldn't have access to this person that controls their could control the career. Wow. So this is a zero. I like this. There's a lean in moment for our first. Oh, this one's for Matt specialty. Matt, you gonna love this one? Maybe you already know about it. I don't really care. I'm gonna tell you about it. Here's the headline. What new ESG approach, double materiality means and why JP Morgan is a fan. That's right, double materiality. Oh, come on Matt. Hey, double materiality. I hate it. We have so many words for so many stupid things double. That we've we've doubled up, double materiality. I know what it is. So it's, it's supposed to be like, well, there's Market financial materiality, and double materiality is financial. Plus it needs to have positive impact. It's like the other side, it's material like, but it's like like can we just name it? Super extreme materiality and move on? Like it sounds like a 19 early 90s like you're selling me a new soft drink like now with extra materiality, like stop album materiality, you don't have. So I'm giving this a nine. Oh reality and I'm correct. You hear that. All right? What do you This is, yeah, this is so this is so bad. This is so cringy. This is why people dislike ESG. I'm gonna give this a bad. This is the very reason why they just like it moving on. Oh, this one one, I don't, I'm not, I don't feel happy to read this headline, but I I'm just reporting the horrible headlines that come out of the corporate world. This one is A woman raped by CEO boss in hotel room on work night out given one million pounds in Damages. You don't have to spend a lot of time on this one. Just how bad is it? We just ten, it's the worst. It's yeah. I don't want to talk about that next. Here's some duck headlines. 10 meters, I got three of them. The metaverse will unfold in three steps and one is happening sooner than I thought according to Zach. Number two Zuck and his wife are expecting baby number three. And babies. Yeah, and the third headline, is that Trump's Facebook banned could be lifted as soon as January? There was a three Zucker. Wow, feel free to go quickly on this. Well, I posed quite predictable that he was gonna lift Trump's fan though, please don't. Yeah. Sorry well, so the metaverse in three stages like he legitimately thinks, you know this is God, creating the world in seven days or whatever. Oh, it might be. I like that happening sooner than later, that's it. Oh, I don't like it Damien sandwiched in there, like the kids because like, well, I didn't hear super voting. Sure, I didn't even mention that he completely controls meta and now he has three dumb Offspring to take it over at. That doesn't make me feel good. No, yeah. But like it's not the kids fault like in eventually when they do, I will hate them. But for now, like they're Like fair enough. Very school. I don't care. But the other two are tens. Moving on. September 21st that was yesterday was black. Women's Equal Pay Day shows how far America has to go to close the gender and racial wage Gap. Now, I guess according to people like Vivek, we shouldn't be really even talking about this, right? This is no, not important. But go ahead. Give it. Can you pay day is yes. So what this means is it takes, it takes this long for for black women to receive the same pay as their white male counterpart. Yeah. But you have to go backwards right? Because it's starting from write 2021. Yes, exactly. They would have to work full year and then all the way to September 21st to earn equal pay for a white male collie. Does that make sense? But again, I don't know. According to the letter that Vivic wrote to Disney and apple. This really isn't something that is important. No, but it makes me think we're overpaying Ari. I don't know what that means and what some of the quick score in this. Come on ten ten, Matt. Yeah, come on. All right, let's just move on. This is a troubling one. This is for our corporate governance nerds. And this is another reason why I guess we shouldn't be talking about this though because she scores are stupid. But how about this headline? 78% of Indian companies, find it difficult to preserve corporate Integrity in the face of changing market conditions. A 78% that doesn't sound right to me. It doesn't sound good. Can you preserve corporate Integrity? This is according to a report on Ernst & Young. Wait, so 70. So these companies actually said, yeah, they made it. You know, these good. Yeah, and surveys, you can get away with anything. You can say, like, I don't like my the director who's black, like, because you're not, there's no name attached to it, right? There's surveys. Except for people who read the surveys, that's true like us. Wow, this is concerning, I don't know. This is kind of alarming. The use case for. Yes, she scored right here. Use case. Anyone I want to go with an eight. I can't decide if that's right, or oh this. The buzzer seems to think you're right. All right, I'm good. I'm gonna give you a six. Oh that's not that's because I just it's not that surprising to me or interesting. To me it's like to be fair. I did debate deleting that headlines the last second, here we go. All right, for you Duke Energy, the company Duke Energy is leaking a potent. Climate warming gas at more than five times the rate of other utilities. Wow. Okay. Another reason why we don't need ESG industry because why don't we need to know this. Why is this important? We shouldn't know this about corporate? Well I mean this is ridiculous. Yeah, but oversight of our corporations is dumb. Like this is why board saber metrics exists because do you know, like the people on the Duke Energy board, do you know them? Because we do like we know that Lynn good is also a director at other places. And, you know, we know overseas Duke and energy and she has influence on other boards that also suck at Carbon and leaking things. Because, apparently, they don't care. So, what it is, is it 10 for the environment and a negative 1000 for board saber metrics, because you absolutely have to buy our stuff in order to figure out who is leaking. Not what is leaking? I'm just directors. Moving on. Here we go. Here's the headline. The actual headline, oops, Morgan. Stanley pays 35 million dollar fine after customer data, including private medical records. Turns up. After unencrypted, unwiped hard drives are auctioned to it consultant in Oklahoma. Yes, it was like a guy named Gus. It was it. What do you think about that already? You don't like stuff like that. I don't already know. This is right up your alley. Yeah. What's wrong with Morgan Stanley? Why can't they? Why can't they erase her drives before they're selling them? They have all the money they have. All the structure, all the resources to wipe their crap before ends up being auctioned. This is a 10. Oh, That doesn't care. No, it's not quite a Time. Come on. This is this is par for the course. This is actually isn't the first time in fact, there was a case that six years ago I think it was well as far ago, but I might be wrong about the company. It might have actually been more insanely where in the back of a truck they were loading in all the hard drives and somebody just took them out of the truck probably. Well as far gone walked away so I'm gonna go with this is entirely within scope of purview this is this should be and the fine they paid suggests. This wasn't that big a deal because what was the fine? It was like 26 million, 35 million dollars, 35 million dollars. 35 million dollars is roughly with the CEO makes. So tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of customers personal information is worth records. The one year of the CEO's compensation. That's how much your valued your value. Your everything about you is valued less than one guy. That's a good ten. What? What's your score? It's a five because I understand this to be reality. Okay. Here's reality we live in. Here's another juicy one. And I mean, really, this is a, this is a very Sensational headline. But again, this is all real. Here you go, Ari. Judge rules Charter must pay 1.1 billion dollars after murder of Cable customer. Wow, what the hell is going on at Charter? And this is what they mean. When they say cable is dead, I don't understand. What is this? What I showed up to their house pretending? I don't know what's going on Charter and killed someone, I don't know what's going on. I don't like the way any of this sounds it. Well, this sounds really bad and 1.2 billion with the B. Yeah. And that's why that's a final rule in because that was actually lowered from a seven billion dollar award. Oh gosh. Yeah, this is it. The judge saying the charter is liable. So there you go, the person who was killed Do we know what, I, what I think is that the cable guy who we're all kind of afraid of the smelly cable guy showed up. To fix the cable and then murdered the customer. That's essentially the story. It was a game. Matt catch up with the times. The bad game. Yeah, I'm gonna give this a 10, okay, I mean, is there a way to not give this a 10? No. That's happened. All right. Can we move on to something less depressing than that? You have any not only not there. This one's kinda. This one's kind of silly and core. I have some silly and quirky ones coming up. Here we go. Honda said to its employees. Oops, we miscounted your bonus. Please give some of it back. Is that how bad is that Ari? I think I should really bad. Keep the damn money. I haven't heard of that happening before. Yeah. Fact that we have two headlines, I have the actual word, oops, in it. Good business news. So Britney Spears. I want to give this a 10 Oh, I mean, wait a minute. The money that's bad. Cannot say, the number of a person or not. It's not, you just, you have to give contacts, not contextual to Other Stories. This is first of all, it's wrong anyway, because it's amazing. Because can you imagine now imagine if the CEO of Honda came to you and wanted to cut a record with you. And then, while you were in the recording studio, I had to say, oh, can you give me back some of your bonus, right? Like everything about it. I can just imagine unfolding in the most amazing ways. So just for the sheer amazingness of the story, I'm going with the three. Oh, moving on. And the buzzer agrees with me, I don't know how that was happening, but it does. Sorry kids are waking up in the night. To check their notifications and are losing about are losing about one night's worth of sleep a week. This is horrible. This is worse than bad, this. And this is the subtle Pathway to the to the metaverse stories like this. Nobody realizes that this is what's going to get us to the metaverse more quickly. Kids got to shut up their phones and leave them back outside their bedroom. What is going on here? Not gonna happen. What do you mean? I think this is the this is the very gradual stage of leaving our physical bodies behind. The next stage will be meta diapers and then we'll just gonna, we're gonna turn in our bodies for some weird metaverse, exist, storage The Matrix. You don't have to go to bed, you don't have to do any of that stuff. You don't have to regenerate. You just checking notifications all the time will be beautiful. Just a zombie like State at all. Times exactly what's the score here, 10? So this is as bad as a cable guy, murdering somebody to me. This is this has the same amount so it's 10, plenty of medical studies do attach disease to, you know, your Mount of sleep, you get. So yeah. Oh, we got some Uber headlines. Here we go. Two Uber, headlines. First, Uber was breached to its core purportedly by an 18 year old. And two report of sexual assault. By Uber driver, in Bangor highlights, National Trend. So, two stories out of uber That's how easy it is. Ari to breach a corpse a major corporation to its core. All you need is an 18 year old. That's all you need. What is that mean? Breach to its core I guess they got they penetrated their Securities system their Network and they got all the way in. They all everything that's impressive. So far in that. Travis Carolina is the CEO. Again, that's how far is it a binary. It's like, you're in, or you're not in. I didn't know if there was Coors. I thought that only movies. Well, yeah. I might have a very techie website, so maybe they're just very techy. This is from ours. Technical I don't expect anything less from Uber. So I want to give this up for wow. Wrong, we know this. Um, okay, that scoring works though. But go ahead. Matt my problem with this is the, the assault. Of Uber drivers. The Uber drivers are fake employees, right? Like just, like being a fake. Public company workers, they are. The gig workers are moral hazard employees. As in, we all have to deal with the Fallout not Uber So that's the bad part. I'm gonna give it a seven. Every time you grease. And Lawson in those scores. Are you gave a great reason, why the ESG ratings industry should shut down immediately because you see what she did there. She because she expects Uber to suck. It got a four. But that see how she perverted, all the ESG ratings. Just not one move. It should get a 10. But she's she what she did there. Completely subjective your You just ruined the ESG, right industry completely forever. Yep. Thank you. Next headline. Only three more. I'll set you free three more in the bad game. Chick-fil-A apologizes for spicy nuggets. Tweet to black, man. Some say he had racial undertones You have to read the Tweet, fine. A black man. Commenting on the return of a grilled spicy. Deluxe sandwich said, grilled spicy deluxe, but still no spicy nuggets and then the company itself. Responded your community will be the first to know if spicy items are added to the permanent menu. Your community. How you will Matt? That's say what you milk the company, disc the company of apologizes. Does that admit is that admission of guilt? But did they literally saying which Community he was coming? He's either representing the black community lived. I don't know again, right but either way. Yeah it is. And if they do know what community it is, that's creepy. I mean, they could have just meant like Like outside, Pittsburgh Chick-fil-A eaters. I don't who says that your community isn't your community code for you people. This is very awkward copyrighting. I hate it. So I'm gonna give it a seven. Can someone please hit the breaking news? Sound effect for me, breaking news, Matt Dilbert writer Scott Adams is weighing in on this headline. I guess the black man in question identifies as white Oh no, I can't do it again. Okay. So maybe it's not that bad. What do you think? Give me your score. I give it a seven. Oh, okay. So it's kind of racist. Know, it's kind of racist. I'm just saying. That is an awkward way to talk, weird. Alright, Matt. Yeah, it's awkward. I'm gonna give it. I'm gonna give it a sick. Next SEA, Sea World parks, and entertainment. CEO does not meet with black families snub by mascot after saying. He fly anywhere to meet them and I guess they're, they're super pissed. So, the Sea World parks and entertainment CEO Under Fire for promising. To meet a black family to apologize, but they're not showing up. What do you think about it? Is this a bunch of jerks also isn't SeaWorld like horrible? So yeah. I don't know how I feel about this. Overall bad. So yeah, eight, wait. So overdose are horrible. And you give them a four. I don't understand your logic. You are seeing you're bringing down. ESG industry. You bring it down. I mean, he was busy. What do you have to say? Why does he have to say? He'd fly anywhere to meet them? Why do you have to say that? That's why I say. Why? Why? Say anything at all? Don't apologize. Don't even bother. If you're not gonna like if you know you're not gonna show up anyway. Or you know, you're busy or whatever. Said, he'd fly anywhere to meet your community. That's what he said. Oh yeah, it's definitely a nine. It's a nine. Finally, in the bad game for September 22nd 2022. Let's end on a silly know. Although I would really hate this at. This happened to me and my flight Southwest Airlines and Guitar Center are getting roasted for a stunt that involved giving a ukulele. To every passenger on a flight from LA to Honolulu. How bad is? That sounds terrible man. That's like my worst awesome. I want to get to keep it. Oh, How bad are you? Giving it like great? This is a zero until all those snotty eight year, olds start, playing the ukulele for two straight hours. Okay. Does everyone know how big are ukulele is? Like they're leaving luggage behind because they can't, they can't fit it in overhead compartment. Very heavy though. But they're they're they're like take two feet, they're they're bulky. Where the kids put it, what is happening nobody ever happening every passenger. You know, it may be somebody's first instrument ever know this is the musical equivalent of handing out, styrofoam containers of Chinese food on a Greyhound bus to Boston. That's the musical equivalent of that, there's nothing worse than right having to smell that smell or listen to jackasses, who don't know how to make music. Rip open. Their ukulele. The ocean. Why can't you give it to him as they're leaving the plane? Like oh, thank you today. Here you go. Here's a ukulele. Go annoying your parents at home, you're gonna throw it away. Ten days. Have fun with it. Do not give it to them on the plane. This is nearly as bad as murdering Cable customer. This is terrible. So I hate it. So get off my laundry now. Okay, scores. Oh are you Ari you come in with a 8.2 mount a 7.4? I don't know what that wasn't even mean what is that? The score is even mean I thought everything's bad. Terrible terrible. Means are you? That's it, that's the bad guy. Bad bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad bad. That's the bad game. That was the bad game. It's Damian Raul the data Queen. I was already. We are free float. If you like this, come back tomorrow where we're gonna wrap up the week and we're gonna do it for six or seven hours live. You know, we do this all the time so come back and listen to it. Still gets the beer thing. We can be a thing too. Yeah. Someday we'll be a thing. Tell your mom till then what you