Transcript
Welcome to business pants. We are free flow. We are Matt Ari. Chessie Damien, today's podcast. Business pants, corporate theater. Let me hand it off to our MC. And get the show going. This week on the show are sixth installment. That's right. Work counting on two hands. Now people of our world famous business pants, corporate theater America's longest running, corporate theater troupe dedicated to drama ties and set a rising Corporate America in business news from your wacky. Walmart CEO to your goofy Goldman Sachs border of directors to your botched layoffs to your cringey. Apologies. All business pants. Cooperate theater. Whoa, hesitate to make fun of you point out, your Hopper, Z's, or enjoy a few laughs at your expense as we live in your maniacally copyright. Are corporate theater players this week. All the extraordinary Courtney Cook Phil Haack. Ashley kutza and the Titan of all things. Mock McGee. And please remember that. These are true stories. People we take actual business news headlines from reputable news sources. True stories and real fun facts. The stories themselves are never made up. We're just filling in a few of the gaps for you. We are fun. Gap filling. Happy corporate theater people. Up first. Is a fun little travel piece. ripped from the summer travel, chaos headlines called A traveler who took a carry-on to avoid losing her bag, says American Airlines checked it after she boarded then lost it. Attention on The Concourse. This is your final boarding. Call for Jeff, the flight 126 to New York and currently wearing all rows and all the seats for Japanese 835, Um yeah hi so I just got off my flight and my bag didn't come out. Just now on the carousel I think it might be lost but I'm I'm really hoping it's not flight. Number flight 2210 from Hartford you check it in at departure in Hartford know. It was a carry on a carry on. Yeah you carry it on? Yeah so how can you didn't carry it off? What looked like he typically passengers carry off with the Carry On. You Get Me. No, you don't get it. I did carry it on but they um, the stewardess. She carried it off. She carried it off. Yeah. When you landed. No. No. You're saying she carried it off when you landed and you don't know where it is? No, I mean yeah. I don't know where it is now but she carried it off after I had carried it on. Why would she do that? I don't know. So where is it? If she carried it off. I don't know. Can you help me? Understand why she carried it off? Why she what? I don't know why. I'm not the one who works here. Hey there. Don't get snippy with me. I'm not getting snippy. I'm sorry, I just need my bag. I'm on a 10-day work trip and I'm just trying to State the facts as I know them about my bag. The fact. Yes, I had my bag my carry-on, but she took it because she said it wouldn't fit in the overhead or under my seat. Okay. Okay, let's see. You should have gotten it back. When you got off the plane should have been sitting right next to the wheelchairs Right? Where You disembark, right? Where the cold air blows. You straight in the face. Am I right? No, she said Had to go to Cargo. Look, they did this. Whole plane like up the aisle like little ants on a log. Wait what? Yeah we all rolled our bags up the aisle. The ones that wouldn't fit in front of us or in the overhead compartments and then and then she held them up. One by one and asked who's it was? You got Me. No, that's what I'm saying. And then you had to like yell out your seat number like when she was holding yours above her head like she'd say wait you're saying yes she's been doing upper body clearly but yes, she'd like hold a bag over her head and be all like, okay. Who's little bad boy? Is this? And then like three or four other people would be like, um, I think that's mine and then they'd all stand up and squint their eyes to like, make sure it really was there. And and then one person would be like, oh no, that is definitely mine. And then the others would be like, oh yeah, I guess it is. And then the other stewardess would be like, I'm just to see number sweetie and then they'd be like, oh, 16 for like, 28 D or what, whatever? This seems insane. Yes, it is, insane. Did you get a baggage ticket? Yeah, they passed them out to us after they were done doing their little prices, right? Game at the front and you're sure they put them all in cargo. That's what they said. And now yours isn't here. Yeah, nothing. Well, you know, I guess that's how they're running things up there. Nowadays, not much. I can do from here, a little different, but hey, it must work for them. No, it doesn't work. It doesn't work at all. Do you see me with my bag? Something is not working lady. Please. Calm down. No, you calm down. You're not getting this. I deliberately did not pack a bigger bag to check so that I would not lose my bag. Do you know how hard it was for me to whittle? My packing list down to a fucking carry on for a 10-day business trip? Do you? I can see that might be hard, okay? But this to God, what kind of six system is this see? There you go. Again, judging us, calling us name demanding, you get your needs met. Oh, Come, do you know how hard we work? Do you what it takes to satisfy you people day in and day out? All you can title Souls, who treat us? Like we work for you. Like, you can just show up and expect us to do things in some kind of prescribed. Organized way? That makes sense to you, you need to stop checking your bags lady and start checking your tone and your expectations. The whole mother Point here is that I did not check my bag. It was a mother can carry on and had I known that someone was going to take my carry on and shove it in cargo and then lose it. God knows where I would have just checked a bigger bag. Oh, I wanted to pack a big bag. I wanted to bring everything I needed for this trip. My hair dryer. My workout clothes and extra pair, can shoes, but no, no, I said to myself, Donna, they're gonna lose it. You've heard the horror stories. You know what's gonna happen, you better Pack Light. All right, all right. You want a big bag? Lady what you want a big bag, huh? I got about 895 big bags right behind me that? I don't know what the hell to do with. Which one do you want? Seriously, I'm sick of looking at them. You want this blue one or you don't want the black one with the white polka dots or maybe, how about the other black one with the white polka dots. It's mostly women's clothes about your size anyway, and they've been sitting here from months, wait, Are you sure? Oh my God that is so generous of you well I'll be fair. We've rightful through it already and taking most of the good stuff but really it's all yours. Oh my god. Wow! That that is so nice of you. It's the least I can do. Plus it's our new inventory policy. Keep him moving. Keep them flowing. Wow! Wow! Thank you. You know. You guys really do know what you're doing. Well, no, really, oh, don't be bashful now. Oh, and look, I'm sorry. I was so rude earlier. Oh, it's all right, you're the customer. You're only doing your job. Well, well, not as well as you are. Oh no, you know, you know, you know, you know, you Next piece is a Nutty one called M&M's fans. Rage at woke new character. That's right, let me repeat that. Eminem's fans rage at woke new character. We're trying out some brand new corporate theater technology here. So listen closely Warning, the following contains actual quotes from actual human beings. Listen, out for the dings to help you to distinguish between satire and what actual human beings say in real life. Okay, thank you. People for coming to this focus group, on our new M&M color. Yes, of course. I'm just here to eat chocolate chocolate, okay? Love the enthusiasm, folks love it. But we're not here for a new taste. We're here as mentioned before for a new color. What color do you think that? Well dummy. They already have red, yellow, orange, green, and blue and brown. So the only one left is purple. Yeah. Dummy, this is Sarah Lee. Before blue, there were two shades of brown. I think we're getting a little down a rabbit hole here. Did you say rabbit like a chocolate rabbit? Like an Easter Bunny Easter eggs? No, no, not Easter. Eggs M&M's. Let me just cut to the chase here. And now we here at M&M's revealed to you the new proposed color of our latest M&M. The purple one. Yeah, nice. I like the color. I like that Hugh. It's a deep purple. Not that lavender crab purple. Glad you all like her. Yeah, here she is talking for herself. I'm the new Eminem's candy. I'm just gonna be me. Nothing else. I can be, but a purpley peanut shaped chocolate. Uh folks you still with us, what was that? What the was that? Yeah, is there a problem? This is woke culture, just out of control. This is some liberal PC. Whoa, left his propaganda. I'm sorry what you heard us? Yeah you wanted our opinion you got it sister. Woke leftist propaganda. I look I'm not sure. I understand you liked the purple M&M a moment ago. Yeah well that's before I realized that you took our beloved suite and started ramming this woke down our throats. Yeah. We've had enough of this woke. Just stop already. Go woke, go broke, baby. Okay I'm not sure there's really any agenda here. We had M&M's certainly, appreciate your feedback but I feel like you may be missing the point purple purple simply represents acceptance and inclusivity. So that everyone including you feels included. Oh right? Because orange green, blue, brown, and yellow. Word inclusive seems like a full pride flag already. I don't eat candy with a far leftist communist agenda communism. Okay, again I am not sure. I totally understand there's not really any agenda we just want people all people to feel included and and feel good about themselves. In fact, Self-awareness authenticity and confidence are the driving forces behind purple's charm. And quirky nature, why can't we just go back to having the classic characters that have been around since the 1800s M&M's, have only been around since the 40s during World War Two? And these spokes, candy characters have only been around since the mid-90s when you simply have the Dopey yellow guy in the sarcastic, red one. Ooh, in the sexy green one. Yeah, back when they were defensive So you're telling me that you see, no problem with an M&M character. That could be argued as the objectification of women personified. But having a character that simply knows who they are is problematic for you. Well, yeah, people that aren't me feel good about themselves. Could make them become more powerful. And there it is. We have the top like keeping those below us below us. I'm done here, bigotry. Before we get to our last piece. Let me once again. Thank our fabulous. Business pants, corporate theater players. Whoa wonderful week. Six. till the next straw, no Courtney Cook, Phil Haack, Ashley kutza, and the incredibly listening Mark McGee, We Salute, You and finally, Our business pants, cooperate, theater transforms into wcrp corporate radio, where the DJ's discuss their top five best corporate Halloween costumes. Wcrp, corporate radio. Live from the corporate radio headquarters in Terre. Haute Indiana, it's the cartoony and Hawk morning Zoo radio show. 9 8, 7 6, 5 4, 3 2. Hey. Hey, do you white color wackos out there? Good morning to you! I'm cartooning. And I'm the hawk. Hey, wake up. Wake up. Wake up. You snooze you sleepyhead? Hey, are they woke up? Oh no, it's way too early for that nonsense. Speaking of nuts. Let's start the show. Wake up. It's the cartoonian hawk show. Hey, there Hawk. Now I noticed you put the in front of your name this morning, so you're the hawk today. What's up with that? Well cartoony sometimes I'm just feeling real good about myself, like I'm a super duper super superhero. Sorry about our Fair City fighting crime and helping the downtrodden. Mmm. This is one of those days. Well, hey, that's cool. Yeah. And tomorrow I'll probably go back to being just talk. The Blended defeated 58 year old former CFO of a major pharmaceutical company who stupidly got involved in a massive Ponzi scheme that ruined, countless lives, and who is now a second rate radio, DJ with two dead fishing as aquarium, who wants a week gets yet another court summons for unpaid alimony and child support. And his told by his current girlfriend that she's pregnant, even though he knows he hasn't had intercourse with her and over a year. Okay? Well, I sure hope the hawk is here to stay. Me too me too. All right, so on today's show we're gonna talk about our favorite flavor. This time of year. You know what it is. A pumpkin spice, I'm gonna spice. Hey, that's right. We all love it. But what's the weirdest thing you do with pumpkins spice. Hey, we'll be taking your calls later during the 8:00 hour. Hey, what's the weirdest thing you eat with pumpkin spice? The hawk. Oh, Galia. How about pumpkin spice flashes? Yeah, it's 605 in the morning Hawk. Are you talking about eating flash? Well, it's it's the time of year for zombies. Cartooning Halloween, and all I bet they'd enjoy some yummy. Pumpkin spice. Flash to go with their boring gray matter, brain casserole. People are eating breakfast. What the hell is wrong with you? I'm just trying to mix in some Lively Halloween Banner here with. This is amazingly Bland and over saturated topic of pumpkin spice. I'm doing the best I can cartoon me, I'm doing the best I can. So after that, I guess we'll have more of the weather wizard to talk about what to wear during these chilly and frosty Falls mornings. It's getting cold again. Hey, how do we stay warm? How am I wear a sweater? Are you kidding me? Yeah, well Mark, the weather wizard knows some secrets to keep it warm. This of all, What secrets, they're chili put on a sweater, What secrets Marv, the weather wizard knows some Secrets. More of the weather wizard is addicted to painkillers and isn't allowed within 500 feet of elementary school. So I don't think I want to know a secrets. Can we do this morning's countdown? And then take a break. I feel the need to vomit right now you're early and the vomiting usually doesn't start till 8:30 you. Whoa. So you're just back to Hawk. Now, I don't think the crime fighter, the hawk would say something is not. He is that. Well, there goes our FCC license anyway before they pull the plug on us. Let's get today's wcp Cartoon in the hawk morning, Zoo top five account down. Today we list the top five corporate costumes. You're a little executive Trick or Treat. Her can wear this Halloween. Hey, let's start with number five. Jeff Bezos is blue, origin, penis rocket. Hey, cartoony chefs rocket seemed to explode, right after liftoff. Sort of like, you and bed. Oh, What the hell? Okay, number four, Dilbert wearing a mega hat. Look he looks a lot like Marv. The weather wizard number three on the cartoony and Hawk top five, corporate costumes beyond meat flesh eating CEO Doug, Ramsey zombie, is he eating pumpkin spice flavored flesh. Number two, Activision Blizzard woman director, AKA The Invisible Woman. Every Woman seems invisible to me. and now, Quitting. Sad. Clown. I'm wearing that now. Yeah, it's time for a break. Stay tuned for Marvin and lots of what fun right after this wcp corporate radio. I'm done. I hate you. We are bored sabermetrics and we will be back tomorrow without this silly voice. I promise And please go ahead. Share this podcast with your pal.