Transcript
Welcome to business pants. We are free flow. We are Matt Ari. Jesse Damien today's podcast. Business pants, corporate theater. Let me hand it off to our MC. And get the show going. Our corporate the players this week, all the extraordinary caught they cook. Phil Haack. Ashley. And the Titan of all things, funny, Mike McGee each week, the hard-working crew here business pants and free float will rip actual business news. Headlines from reputable news sources and hand those very real headlines directly over to our business pants. Corporate Theater Company who will then dramatized and satirize the stories so that the world can finally enjoy. And yes, maybe even understand the business news. This is the NBC no musk Bezos or Zuckerberg. Newsbreak. I'm Colton Bulger and I'm Evelyn Snodgrass bringing you all the business. Related to over publicized billionaires, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerberg. As you all may remember, we tried this Grand experiment, a few weeks ago. But founded almost impossible, not to find news, not associated with musk Bezos or Zuckerberg. Yes, we admittedly went a bit mad, trying to find such stories, but after a short break, we're more determined than ever to provide you with this much-needed new service. So here we go. Three major American investors raise the alarm on the US economy this week. Stating that it was a toxic mixture of high inflation, surging interest rates and slumping Global growth that could lead to a recession Colton who are the three major American investors. Oh, they were Michael burry or oh, shoot, Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg, apologies, Evelyn, who worries. All right. After the recent CEO change at Disney that brought back, former CEO Bob, Iger some analysts. Think it may be a good idea to bring back Jeff Bezos as CEO to evolve. She's sorry sorry and advocacy group has filed a complaint with the US equal employment opportunity commission alleging that a major social media company is staring ads for certain blue-collar professions away from women in older workers, based on that type of role. The company in question is Meadow shit. Okay. So, we're gonna take a short break and we will we will bring you the latest news not related to Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos. And Mark Zuckerberg. This is nmbc news. Up first, here's the headline from entrepreneur. A mirror like material. Was found in 93,000 pounds of ground beef in Texas. What you need to know about? The recall, that's right. A mirror like material. Was found in 93,000 pounds of Tyson Food, ground beef. Meanwhile, in the bowels of the Tyson Foods public relations department, We received several customer complaints in Texas about glass and some of our packages of raw ground beef, some of the customers, then contacted the USDA, and the beef was cleared from the shells, great. So it's all taken care of. What are we even here, hardly taking care of? We still have to explain how the glass got into the beef in the first place. I know, I know I was just pulling your change was involved, 93,697 pounds Jiminy. That is a lot. It's actually a new record Bravo us really is impressive if you think about it. Sure is. So the complaints mentioned that glass was found in the beef but according to the USDA, it was a mirror-like material fascinating. That sounds almost mystical, doesn't it? I think we can use that mystical angle. It actually was glass. We have an admission from a worker at the plant. It seems. They dropped a shot glass in the meat grinder, but that colorful, mirror-like material description can definitely be used in a positive way. A shot glass, we must get more details about that. Did we have that employee sign a non-disclosure agreement? We, for sure don't want the real story getting out of my ride sign and sealed. They were all so admirably compensated. We shouldn't have no worries on that end. I think we can really make this mystical description work. I mean, who wouldn't want to find something sparkling and other worldly in their mundane ground chuck? It's important to add that there have been no confirmed reports of adverse reactions. Do the consumption of this beef, nice. That works wonderfully in our favor. Hey, what if we say it was a natural formed Crystal, oh, I love that. It's a naturally formed Crystal with healing powers. That's why no one has gotten ill for me. Eating it not only is it safe, but it enhances the immune system. We'll get our Scientists to come up with some jargon that makes it seem believable. You know, this could actually boost future sales, we can say Quality nutrients. That Organically create these life-enhancing crystals, so people will be rushing out to buy our ground beef. Hoping that they'll be the lucky few that get the beef with crystals. It'll be like people searching for the golden ticket and Willy Wonka, except there's no ticket. Why not give them an actual ticket per se, we could insert small bits of glass in outgoing shipments. Wait, does that employee have any more of those shot glasses? Just so we get the identical mirror like material. Well, as long as we don't over do it, whatever was in that 93,000 pounds, was just the right amount not to make people sick. If for careful to replicate that ratio of shot glass to beef. I think we'll have a gosh darn phenomenon, Brewing Tyson's amazing, healing Crystal and hands. Ground beef, what luck this happened? This time of year. If it's in beautifully with the holidays. I mean emailing the art Department right now to come up with A delightful and inspirational packaging idea. Let's say. Would they put all that recalled beef? Well, they threw it out. I assume that's the usual procedure. Why do you ask? I've heard there's a whole dark recall underground out there. That tries to get their hands on any type of food or drug that has been recalled. Then they have these ungodly ceremonies where they ingest these recalled items so like a pretty sick lot but if we still had that beef, we could probably make a nice little profit from it. Good Lord, what a world. I'll see if there's any left. You know, I got to be on us. I'm getting some Curious myself about tasting, this Crystal, infused beef, you do realize that there really is no magical ingredient in the Beef, it's a troubled. Employees. Dirty shot glass. Oh right. Good job that I'm being pulled into this alternate ground beef. Universe myself. Still, I know what you mean. What if we just have a little taste? Just for research, of course. Well, if we make up a sample batch, and with just the right amount of shot glass or crystals, I think we'll be fine. And who knows? Maybe we will open up ourselves to something otherworldly. We must be careful with the wrong recipe. We could open our colons to a massive hemorrhage. Hey, could we use that in case some people do experience adverse effects? We could sell it as an extreme colonic that will really clean you out. Couldn't use a good internal scrubbing every now and then, I know I couldn't. Oh, come on YouTube, we've got some mystical meat to eat here. This is the NBC no musk Bezos Zuckerberg newsbreak, I'm Colton Bolger and I'm Evelyn Snodgrass. Twitter know, right HBO Max is back inside. Amazon's Prime video no. The New Zealand government said it well introduced a law that will require Google and meta. Oh, come on neuralink. A medical device company is under federal investigation for potential Animal, Welfare, violations related to animal testing the company owned by Elon Musk. Are you shooting me? Okay, here's something from the society Pages news anchor, Lauren Sanchez was spotted arriving at trendy Giorgio Baldi Ristorante on Friday in Santa Monica. California along with boyfriend Jeff Bezos. Pretty straightforward. A holiday party. Free speech. Twitch Twitter. Oh man, it sure is. Great to get together during the holidays. That's great to see you. Jerry it sure is great to unwind. Oh yes. I love the freedom of holiday vacations. You know. Just a relaxed and speak together. Yeah, just like the freedom of speech that's allowed on Twitter. Am I right? You always have to bring it back to politics? How is that political I just talking about Twitter? You know, social media and stuff, you know, whatever. And that freedom of speeches, was it ever? Do you realize that that billionaire who bought Twitter is a self-proclaimed Free Speech, absolutist. We're now have free speech back on the platform, you know, before that people were being censored. Yeah, but that's not what free speech is not all speeches. There are many restrictions on free speech, for instance, when freedom of speech conflicts, with other rights and protections, such as reliable, and slander, threats plagiarism, and copyright infringement, hate speech. Then they were simply doing their job and following the laws. Well, I'd expect that from a, from a shameful fascist dictator, like you, you know, I think I'll blast a tweet about you Marge. Yeah, about how you're you're a fascist and and also how you and your brother-in-law are engaging in nepotism at the power plant that you both work at. Yeah, exactly. Great example of something that is not covered under Free Speech. Wait, what? How's that? That's the exact sort of tweet. That wouldn't be covered under Free Speech falsehoods, liable and slander they're not covered for one. I'm a proud member of antifa, so I am not a fascist is a reporter for the weekly quotidian. She doesn't work for any power plant again your line. Dude, not covered. See New York Times company versus Sullivan and Hustler magazine versus Paul. Well, how do I don't even have a brother in law? Yeah. Well, okay. Fine then yeah, whatever. If you keep confusing me with your facts, you guys, well, I'm Gonna Knock your fucking blocks off. Yeah, I'm gonna tweet that out. I'm gonna tweet my family better watch out because I'm about to knock. Pinko commie blocks off. Yeah I'm gonna tweet that all my followers. Just just to show them how much of a he-man I am. Yeah. Yeah that's not also not covered under Free Speech. My man. Yeah. Well for quite a few reasons for one that would constitute a true threat. True threats are not protected by the US Constitution C watts versus the United States and Virginia versus black. Oh, guys suck. Oh, fine. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna tweet to all my followers to form a violent mob to come down here in a costume. What do you really thinking of violent mob is covered at her Free Speech? Yeah. Neither fighting words. Nor inciting imminent Lawless action. Our covered by the Constitution. See Brandon Berg versus Ohio, fine. Well, all right. Yeah. That how about this? I don't know if you know this Jerry but but I have pictures of you at a, at a nudist colony. And if you don't stop talking like this, I'm gonna post them on Twitter. What do you think that If you post those on Twitter invasion of privacy is also ding ding not covered by Free Speech president time Inc versus Hill. What the crap? Look, look, can you a question? You seem to think that free speech is unfettered speech in general, but do you think allowing unfettered free speeches? A good idea. I mean, in spite of that Billionaire's, promise that quote, Twitter aspires to be the most respected advertising platform in the world half of Twitter. Is advertisers have left Twitter since he arrived. And furthermore, in spite of his insistence, that quote, Twitter obviously cannot become a free for all. Hellscape where anything can be said with no consequences the use of the n-word grew fivefold within 12 hours of him having bought Twitter. So again, I ask you what is your response to all this? Wow, just wow. I mean I mean if you people were to Hound, the guy himself like this. Well, you know what he should do? Yeah, he should find out some military Secrets or something and tweet him out to to everyone in retaliation. You know what I mean? That is definitely not covered by free speech. It would be a bad idea anyway for the security of this country and for the security of us the citizens, but he would also get a lot of trouble for doing that fine. All right? Then he should tweet out the patents of his rival and Ventures. What do you think that one? He is not an inventor. He has invented. Nothing two depending on the patterns the voluntary ten directed 1917 and the invention, secrecy act could easily preclude his being allowed to tweet that. Okay, fine. Well then well what if you just put a bunch of recent books on Twitter for free that's copyright, you know, it Well, there's a fire in the building. There's a fire in the building. And really that Old Chestnut. This is the NBC no musk Bezos or Zuckerberg newsbreak. I'm Colton Bulger and I'm Evelyn Snodgrass. All right, I found one a new story that has nothing to do with that. God damn Unholy Trinity of business news Cycles musk Bezos, soccer Burger. Okay, listen to this. Biopoly. LLC has hired Ryan slaughterback just as chief executive officer succeeding, co-founder, Dr. Herbert Schwartz, What the hell is a biopoly LLC? What you don't know? Biopoly Ella see. What is wrong with you Colton G's? Did you make them up? Because I'm totally all right with you. If you made them up. Oh, no. Biopoly LLC isn't Orthopedic, implant manufacturer located in Fort Wayne Indiana. They're very well known in Fort Wayne Indiana and they just had a CEO change and that's business news and it's not even remotely related to those mbz fuckers. I did it. I did it Colton. I found a story. Not tainted by them a story. So pure so innocent. So so what So what, so what, who cares about this story? It's a boring little executive change in an unimportant company and nowhere. Illinois. Indiana. And it's very important to the people of Fort Wayne and to its less than 25 employees and not to mention all the patients that have benefitted from biopoly, state-of-the-art implant solutions for painful. Cartilage, defects I got that from their website. It's it's a company. It's all be it, small in size, but it's making a huge difference in people's lives. That's very important Colton. And I'm going to tell everyone out there about it. This just proves that there are solid business stories out there. Not associated with, you know, who and we'll have to dig a little deeper and expand our search, but they're out there and we are going to find them. Oh, you're right. Evelyn, you're right. I was beginning to think it wasn't possible, but but you've really give me hope. Thank you and and thank you to biopoly LLC and Fort Wayne Illinois, Indiana. Oh, right. Indiana. And congratulations to Ryan schlotterback on your promotion to CEO. Congrats Ryan. All right, roll up. Your sleeves Colton and put on some coffee. We've got some actual business reporting to do. This reminds me of my favorite quote, persistence is very important, you should not give up, unless you are forced to give up Elon Musk. No, no! No, no. We are bored sabermetrics and we will be back tomorrow without this silly voice. I promise And please go ahead. 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