Transcript
Live. From a bunker, inside Damien's azor's five-star hotel. It's been nuggets Thursday edition of business pants. Joined Again by no one at all. I'm the one true Matt mascardi. Lord of port sabermetrics. In today's unfunny bag of butter covered nuggets called January 5th, 2023. Butter. Butter covered nuggets. That's coming up up top, thanks to our sponsor, Sage, your ESG Data Solutions, provider, and all. So a reminder, next week, we have some big shows. You won't want to miss including our annual prediction, guys. I'm where we predict the future and go over our 2022, hits and misses. And next Thursday, one week from today, the vet, promise me, the founder of strive Asset Management in the author of woke Inc, will be with us to play the good game and talk about the anti-woke movement. But enough about that. Let's get this going cue. The music. All right, fiz nuggets time. Let's do this first up. In our. Yes. Hi. So for our new product board, saber metrics, which measures the power and performance of board members. We're looking to place an ad. Ideally we want it to be seen by primarily minorities preferably identifying as part of the lgbtq plus Community but only those that like Parks and Rec because that shows great and anyone that doesn't listen to Steely Dan. He seemed very unwoke to us and all so they should be working in a major asset manager and have a Lakeview Apartment that cost at least the USD equivalent of 1.3 million dollars. Can you do that for us, headline of the week? Meadows, personalized ads, violate privacy and EU court rules. And what is the most obvious long-standing of eventuality and EU Court. Finally, ruled that meta, cannot use personalized ads because they violate user privacy, does anybody surprised by this no one? In our five days. And I don't get the same amount for more than a month. Honey. Pack your bags. We're moving to London. Fuck this country. It's going entirely to hell. Headline of the week. Top bosses set to surpass annual pay of average, worker just five days into 2023. This is for UK, firms listed on the footsie 100 and just for reference last year, the average CEO pay ratio in the US was 330 to 1. So for us CEOs they have to wait an extra like 30 536 days more than a month it should be pissed. Capitalism sucks. And our this trout. Delicious. Where did you say it was from Headline of the week? A fire at a Wisconsin, Dairy Factory melted butter and clogged up a canal. That's right. There was a fire at in Portage Wisconsin at a dairy Factory and the butter melted and clogged the canal that drained into the Wisconsin River. If you're wondering the ESG angle, here is the best. I could come up with is the clog may have implications for rainwater, flooding Upstream into the Fox River, which could really do damage to the Civil 7 annual tourists that visit Fort Winnebago, along the river, where red bird, the Winnebago Chief, which people were unjustly incarcerated after US government was worried, they might mine minerals in their own land in to a cabinet for refreshments and then attack them and then he was forced to Chile. So yeah. ESG In our asked, for comment, the CFO said quote. We are well positioned to capitalize on the large Market opportunity, through our holistic approach to Consumer Health Solutions. Further, we think the name, kenview named after a Ken doll which evokes blonde, Miss and wholesome, consumer sales and accuview which is our Flagship contact lens brand. Really captures the potential addressable Market we intend to capitalize headline of the week. Johnson and Johnson files for IPO of consumer health division, kenview, it's the names of these things. Kenview, really, kenview? That's the best you could come up with. And our did you hear the woke LA Times now thinks that male and female actors can equally play Marvel Superheroes, it's disgusting. Everyone knows that it takes different skills to wear skin, tight green, bodysuits will be fully digitized later. Everyone knows headline of the week. LA Times promotes gender neutral film awards, that headlines from the National Review, That's right. The national view discussed it by gender neutral film Awards. Something That Matters to No One anywhere ever anyway. in our, Good news and bad news. We did find a tumor in your brain, that will probably kill you. That's the bad. The good news is, it's really only a modest tumor headline of the week. Chevron CEO defends record profits, as modest return over time. Modest little modest return. Car. Says, we're not allowed to use any of the toilets, until he personally test them first, but I don't know. It seems like he doesn't even do the, if it's brown flush it down part of that saying. So does anyone have a bucket? I can borrow headline of the week. Dirty bathrooms Force, Twitter employees to bring their own toilet paper after Elon Musk fires, janitors. I don't know if this is real, but what is happening there? Why are you? Why does anyone stay at Twitter? What is that? What are you staying for? Because it used to be like the good pay in the perks. And you want to change the world, you can't even wipe your own ass and more. That seems problematic. I'm just saying. I'm not gonna work there. and they never asked me in our This latest release, we've added a number of features, including a wheel with the latest in turning technology and a pedal that injects liquid energy directly into an AI related Central Hub. We like to call an engine that creates near frictionless motion headline of the week. Ford update, the Mustang Mach e UI. Now you can turn a knob to change Temps. Just so, you know what that means? Ford has a giant iPad attached to its Mustang Mach e and the user interface did not include a knob to change temperatures. They had to add that later. Clever. In our this just in an employee Tyson Foods. Cross-dressed as a nanny in order to see his kids after he was told he wouldn't be allowed to because he drunkenly broke into a stranger's house and fell asleep a movie. He said was inspired by Mrs. Doubtfire, headline of the week. Employee arrested and charged with stealing over 300 and 2000 dollars after authorities. Say he was inspired by the movie Office Space. Two things strike. Me number one. The movie Office Space 1999, still stands up today. It's great. Number two. 300 and 302,000 dollars when it's over 300 2000 dollars. You just say more than 300,000 dollars. That's what headline writing should do. No one says more than 300 and 302,000 dollars. No one's like that. Extra 2000 really put me over the edge. No, that's just bad headline reading. So to anybody, who is currently working for Fortune, where this headline came You got to work on your headline, right? in our, oh, that Dag, no way. You are such a cheater, Carl, a fine new rule before you tag me in the next game of tag. You need to show me ID that proves your tag eligible and right now affidavit proving you don't discriminate by targeting me as your primary tag Target if you don't, I won't play with you anymore. I just won't Carl headline of the week. PornHub is requiring viewers in Louisiana to verify their age with a government ID as part of a new state law. This is on the back of yesterday's headline, Louisiana, conservatives consider ban on liberal business agendas Louisiana. You do know? Marty Graham happens there. Don't you? I don't know what's going on, but dial it back. In our hey Ma your burger bun is the 9th. Most likely thing to kill you and or make you develop highs tell Dad and line of the week. Sesame. Just became an official US Food allergens. So, why are restaurant Brands now adding it to Foods? This one. Is a little bit weird to me. I'm just gonna say this. I apologize. If you're allergic to sesame seeds, Sesame. Allergies affect 0.1% of the US population? and sesame in Foods is really limited to basically burger buns and like tahini. It's not a lot of Sesame Foods. Bit weird that anyone would get outraged about restaurant brand, adding it to Foods. Because everything's analogy to somebody. I'm just saying, look. Right. Me angry letters but means you're listening to the show. So good. We got three more in. Our, I'll take your bomb cyclone and polar vortex, and I'll raise you and Atmospheric River headline of the week, California braces for powerful atmospheric River storm. I also saw a headline that suggested that after basically two decades of a Perma drought, the hope is that the sky will dump 20 years worth of water on the state in the next 48 hours. That sounds like a good idea. That's what we should be rooting for that sounds healthy. In our wait. There are 2600 of them. Does that feel like a lot? I mean I know it's a population of 8 billion people but 2,600 is like a whole town worth. Okay? Okay. What if we did a story that was just billionaires who were self-made? Wait, there are seven under those Jesus. What about self-made? White Guys, 600. Oh, fine. Write a story and just focus on the dead ones, headline of the week. The billionaires who died in 2022. That's out of fours. Because we can't get enough of our billionaires. We should cover the ones that are dead now, and finally, in our big gross stinky smelly, sweaty bag of buttery Biz nuggets in our All headline should be phrased this way forever headline of the week. Serena Williams husband, Alexis Ohanian, targets, Elon Musk, as he dishes out physics, based device to the controversial, CEO, Serena Williams husband Not the founder of Reddit, which I believe is what Alexis Ohanian is. No, not the founder. It was it Reddit. Is it ready? Yeah. It's Reddit. He's the co-founder of Reddit. No, he's Serena Williams husband. Which is correct, that's all we've got come back tomorrow. We're gonna wrap up the week. Welcome to 2023 again, we'll see you next week for big shows, but come back tomorrow and we'll do more of what we do until then, goodbye. so,