Transcript
Welcome to business pants. We are free flow. We are. Matt Ari. Jesse Damien today's podcast. Business pants, corporate theater. Let me hand it off to our MC. And get the show going. Our corporate theater players. This week, all the extraordinary Courtney Cook. Phil Haack, Ashley kutza and Mark McGee. This week on the show, we have a magnificent selection of magnificent. Jiminy Cricket right to an open letter to Florida, Governor, Ron DeSantis. Target CEO. Brian Cornell gets involved in some gift card scams. And a quick glimpse into a CEO's voice memo Diaries. Up first, the Walt Disney company's Sage Prophet Jiminy Cricket. Doesn't like what's going on in Florida. He has some poignant words for governor Ron DeSantis, who is punishing the corporation for supporting gay rights. Well, hello. Crickets the name, Jiminy Cricket. You may know me from the 1940. Walt Disney Classics, animated film Pinocchio. And that film, I was appointed by the Blue Fairy to serve as Pinocchio's official conscience. And I did my best to steer, the little guy Away From Evil and bad decisions. I wasn't always successful, but ultimately panoche did choose the right path and in the end became a real boy, although frankly, some of us of the non-human variety, Don't think that that's much of a prize, but that's beside the point. I would like to give my proverbial two cents regarding Florida Governor, Ron desantis's recent political move, against my alma mater, the Walt Disney Company. It seems this DeSantis character doesn't take too, kindly to Disney publicly disagreeing with his Draconian. Don't say gay policies. And well, now he's going to flex his right wing, muscle. And assert some misguided authority over the company by dissolving Disney self-governing, district and appointing a board to oversee, the government services, that the Disney District provides And he doesn't want to stop there. This smug wet. Sock won't to have his way in what type of content Disney produces from now on? As a member of a political party that constantly preaches. The evils of socialism communism and Marxism Concepts. They really know nothing about the Santa's is pretty much nationalizing a company for political reasons. Which is exactly what uncle jokes styling did in the US of Art. This is also the same group that is taking books out of libraries and erasing history from school curriculums. As an officially appointed conscience. I can guarantee you whatever it is that authoritarian screamed. The loudest against you can be darn tooting. That, that's what they're doing themselves. And of course, this pompous rube has appointed only his cronies to this. Newly formed bored, don't owners and Loyalists that look like the road company of the handmaids tale. I got to tell you folks, this whole mess makes my light green head, as red as a cherry tomato. When I think of how Mr. Walt Disney himself, would react to DeSantis and his policy. It makes me want to defrost the old man myself and turn him loose on that go, go boot wearing for all forget what I just said about defrost, I've got a pretty scary NDA that I do not want to break. listen, I know that the Disney company is not perfect and never has been Like every company it's had its share of great achievements and embarrassing blunders. Yeah. I'm looking at you Song of the South And recently it's had a reputation of being a blood-sucking, corporate monster that's slowly eaten up every other major creative property with world domination as its ultimate goal. And their crossover promotion of all, those properties is absolutely Shameless. I've just been told I'm in the second season of Loki for criminy sake, but at least they're putting out fairly Progressive material dealing with diversity and inclusivity. They're showing kids that it's 100% A-Okay to be you and the world is not just full of white heterosexual. Suburban Mickey Mouse Club like drones part of the irony. Besides, they must be doing something right to make these self-appointed guardians of virtue. So upset To bully accompanied with vengeful laws, just because that company doesn't agree with your warped concept of family values is just flat out wrong. And to think that you can control and manipulate artistic expression. That's just downright evil. Actions is that still Small Voice. People won't listen to Without a conscience aka me. Opaque would have ended up an immoral pathological. Liar, Carnival Oddity known as the boy with the astounding tree, trunk of a nose. If DeSantis even has a conscience, well, he is for sure not listening to it. So, all of us that do have a conscience, have to do everything we can to stop this kind of very dangerous Behavior. Suppressing ideas, opinions, creativity, and individuality cannot be tolerated in any form. During the last worldwide battle with book burning fashion. While Disney said this, I believe that this frightfulness, we see everywhere, today is only temporary. Tomorrow will be better for as long as America keeps alive the ideals of freedom and a better life. I am hopeful that our current frightfulness will be temporary. Well, I'm off to an anti-scientific. so join us wherever you are and don't give up the fight and remember, When You Wish Upon a Star. Makes no difference Who You Are. Anything your heart desires will come to you trademark by the Walt Disney Company. 1939. Oh, and coming in 2024 Pinocchio and andor's Ewok Adventure so long. Up next of very dark. Look at a report from the Federal Trade Commission. That warned Target gift cards. Had become a favored for scammers. Representing 35 million dollars in payments. Two times more than any other brand of gift cards. This sketch. Starts with a call between Target CEO, Brian Cornell, and his mother. There's a whole article in the paper today, honey, and I'm worried mom. I'm busy. I'm at work, I'm reading all kinds of scary stories about Target in the paper honey. This saying, what are they saying, mom? Well, they say you're coming out of a fourth quarter better than expected, but profits is still shrinking. What is going on, Brian? I'm worried mom, please, I've got this. I'm just so worried about you, honey. It's all gonna be fine, mom, and what about these gift cards? Scams? I, I read the target is getting hit the hottest by these skimmers. Who the hell are these? People scammers are gonna scam Mom. That's what they do. I'm not worried. There was some pushback to appear like we cared. So I threw a small committee on it, it's all good. Look, I gotta get back to work Mom. Okay, don't worry. I know what I'm doing. It's really bad. I heard people at losing thousands and thousands of dollars mostly unsuspecting Old people like me, right? Mom, but really think about it. How dumb do you have to be to fall for that crap? I mean seriously, the kind of deserve it. Did you know that most of them don't even tell anyone they're so scared and ashamed? When it happens. Anyway, honey, I'm still worried. You you having a rough few years? I got this Mom. You sure honey? Yeah. Who raised me? Mom I did. That's right, you did. And you didn't raise a loser or a quitter. Did you know? I did not. That's right. So, please trust me. Oh, okay, honey. But but until me for a second, tell me about something. You got cooking and the kitchen, something you got up your sleeve, good, because I know you're always thinking, always on to some new hot idea, okay? Okay. I'll tell you one thing, but but then I got to go and get back to work. You know. I'm a CEO Mom. Thank you, honey. Tell me, I won't tell anyone. Okay, well, I'm gonna invest about five billion over the next few years. I'm gonna open 20 new stores nationwide. And I'm gonna upgrade, you know, like give a whole full on makeover to about 175 existing stores. Well, that's terrific. You've got the money to do this. Brian honey. Yes. Mom and you know, I mean, I do have one little trick up my sleeve. Oh, Scott something cooking? Okay, listen to this. We're gonna make changes to help people return the crap they've bought. We're gonna make the returns desk. Only available through drive up, Drive up like a drive-up window. Yeah. Drive through a turns. How was that going to help people buy more crap? I mean, a good. Telling you want them in the store. Okay, well, okay. I can see why you'd say that I can see why you think that keeping people in the store would help business but no Mom, Mom, Target is all about selling affordable, Joy, mom, affordable, joy and I don't need those Grump ass for turns people bring in their negative energy inside my stores. It is not contributing to the Joy Vibe. Look, I don't care if they do buy an extra pair of sweatpants when they return, the TV that doesn't work, you Plus and you didn't hear it from me, I'm going to make sure not to leave too much room in the parking lot for a long line of cars. People will be forced to give up and keep the stuff. Hello profits. Well now you're thinking, Brian, honey. Look, Mom, I gotta go. Oh, real quick, how smiling? Hills house the nursing home? Treating you good? I hope. Oh, that bass. Okay, good. You and your friends you're doing okay, you still got your group trips. They're still taking you guys on your weekly shopping trips to Target. Oh yeah, we're having a blast. Those little bus, rides are such a hoot. We going this afternoon actually. Excellent. Excellent! And anybody anybody knew at the nursing home recently, any any new friends? Well, now that you mention it, someone did move in next to, what a room 24 and guess who it is, who misses? Golly. Who? Who is that? Mom Gertrude golly. You remember your first grade teacher? Oh no shit. Yeah and you know what? It's so sad. She barely recognized me. She's got the beginning stages of dementia and pardon my French but she doesn't know her ass from a elbow anymore room. 24, you said, yeah, you know right next to me What a life. She's had taught us great for almost 48 years and and both the kids are gone. So sad, did you know that one in that horrible, ski accident and and her husband, he left it just as soon as she couldn't remember where she kept, the can open his daily tuna fish sandwich. Can you imagine? She's been making his meals for almost 50 years and then poof the second hand. Mine goes, he dumps it for a woman half her age, but I guess the good news if I'm naughty is that with mild Dimension, she doesn't really remember them. Yeah, that's sad. Mom really. But look, I got to go. All right, honey. Go get him champ. Bye Mom. Bye sweetie. Oh man, this is too perfect. Mrs, Gully. She was such a dipshit back then. Oh my God. Gullible Gully. We'd call her and she used to walk. So slowly, I'd always be like, hurry up lady and she'd laugh. And what an idiot. Oh man, we pranked her so hard in high school and she fell for it every single time. And now she's got the beginning stages of dementia. This is too perfect. Hi, can I have room? Can I have room 204, please? How? Hello? Mrs. Goalie, yes. Yes, this is Kelly Mrs. Kelly. This is Amazon calling. We have an important matter to discuss with you regarding your account, what? Hello, wait, what? Who is this? This is Amazon. We are calling because your account is delinquent. I'm sorry, I don't really your account is seriously, delinquent, Mrs, Gulley. And I'm afraid things are not looking very good for you right now. Oh, am I in trouble? Oh yeah, you are likely in a fair amount of trouble, Mrs, Gulley, you bought a laptop. Excuse me, two laptops that you did not pay for and you have an outstanding balance due of 6,000 dollars. I don't remember buying two computer account is seriously delinquent Mrs. If you refuse to pay these charges, I'm going to have to report you to the federal government. I didn't do that. I didn't buy any laptops. I look I don't even know how to buy a lot. I have it right here. Mrs. Gullies Amazon account, two laptops, total six thousand dollars. Look I'm This is this is very confusing for me and look. I'm sorry my husband usually It's not my husband anymore, but yeah, we know that misses goalie. We called him and spoke to his new wife who gave us your number. Oh, and if you don't pay us immediately, we will have no choice but to call your local police department to sort this out. The police know. Look, I don't know, sir I really I don't remember doing any nice. Try, Mrs. Gully. We've heard this whole, I don't remember routine. A thousand times. You can't fool us. Well, you've asked for it. I'm patching the police in now. Oh, hello officer. Yes, this is Officer brilliant. Uh, hi officer. I have a Mrs. Gully, in the line who I was Amazon. 6000 dollars for some laptops, she bought, but decided not to pay for, oh, yes, Mrs, Gulley. We've been made aware of these delinquent payments. I have to break it to you that unless you paid this outstanding bill, we're going to have to file formal criminal charges against you. Little charges just don't understand that sounds so serious and scary and it is serious Mrs. Goalie. Well okay then I haven't been feeling well and now I'm in a nursing home. Yeah, we know but unless you settle these charges you're going to be in some serious trouble. However, there is a way to avoid formal charges. Golly really great. How do I do that? Oh, let this good sir from Amazon explained to you goodbye. I'm advising you to do the right thing. Okay, Mrs, Gully. Let's talk about how you can settle this delinquent account to avoid the charges. You'll need two. Go to the nearest Target and buy 6,000 dollars worth of gift cards. Okay, but you'd have to do it right now otherwise. Oh yes, I can. I mean well maybe I can I just oh we have a shuttle that that goes to Target this afternoon. I think I have to ask. Let me. Let me just go and ask Mrs. Goalie, I hope you are taking this seriously. When you come home from Target this afternoon, I expect you to have 12, 500 dollar, gift cards. Purchased I'll call you this evening. Goodbye Mrs. Goalie. Mrs, Gulley. Takes the smiling Hills Nursing Home bus to Target and returned home later that evening. Hello again, Mrs! Gulley. I hope you've got those cards. Yes! Yes, I do have them right here. I'm not going to be arrested him. I. Hi, I'm so scared. Well, we'll see about that. Once you read me, the serial numbers off the back of the cards, and everything, appears to be in order, then we'll see about dropping the charges. Okay? Okay. The first one is five. Two two nine five two two nine three nine six four three nine six four two, Two Mrs. Gulley. Is there a problem? Hurry up is that is that one two or two twos? know, it's just Your voice reminds me of someone that I used to know. They say that that I have to mention, which makes many able to remember all sorts of things, but I do remember, most of the little children I taught when I was younger, hurry up lady. Did you say hurry up? Lady Little Brian. Is that you Brian Cornell? Yes. Yes I thought that was you. Oh shit. I look here young man. Watch your language. It's me. Mrs. Kelly your first grade teacher. Brian Cornell. I'm so happy here from you. It's been so long. I'm so happy to hear. I have been so proud of you all these years. You know you're my biggest success story. I've been reading about you in the paper what's this? I hear a big CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Oh you were always such a little prankster, I had a 1000 first grade students in my career and I'll tell you I always remembered you what a sweet little kid. You are you even when you did get into trouble, which was more than a little often than I like, if I'm being honest, we worked through it. Didn't Oh Brian Cornell. Now what brings you to me today? Oh how is it that you're calling me? You know what? I saw your mother today. That's right on the bus to Target. I didn't know she was that smiling Hill. What a coincidence? You see. I'm in assisted living now because of the dementia. Wait a second. Are you trying to fool me with this gift card business? This is a big joke. Now, don't you lie to me, Brian you, you know that lying is wrong. We've talked about this. You crank called me multiple times way back when we had to have a big talk with your parents about this? No, no. I was just a joke. I wasn't serious. Yes. Now, don't you lie to me. Brian Cornell. I could always tell when you were lying and you are lying to me. Now, you had me to go all the way to Target to buy those cars, didn't you? Yes, this is going. I'm sorry. I've lost my way. My sales are down. And honestly, look, I don't do many of these scam calls, I swear to God but the thing is The truth is. All gift card businesses, good for business. Even if it is a scam, your mom told me on the bus today that you are going to invest four billion dollars to expand Target considerably. But don't you think that your first ought to take care of the people you've scammed first? I mean you tried to scam me. Your first grade teacher the person who taught you how to read. Don't you think that knowing how to read helps you with your career as a businessman? I'm sorry, Mrs. Gulley. I'm sorry, please don't tell my mom. Please don't tell my mother taught you how to read and you think about how to read scam book? Well, that's okay. I'm probably gonna forget this conversation anyway. But listen, Brian. Now that I've got you on the horn. Tell me what? If you've been up to Before I get to our last catch, let me once again. Thank God, businessman's corporate in alphabetical order. They all Courtney Cook, Philip hook, Ashley, and Mark McGee. Let's end Today's Show with a piece called know to do self. Where CEO, Carl Bundt confides in his voice recorder? Note to self 917 a.m. remind Perkins that the Tacoma spreadsheets need to be ready 30 minutes before the Monday morning meeting. So I have time to review them. I look like a stuttering full this morning and tell him to stop wearing that ridiculous. Donald Duck tie Jesus. Note to self 9:23 a.m. never mind about the Perkins tie. No need to go down that personal attire rabbit hole. Also idea for spring talent show medley of Michael Jackson songs. Look for red Jack and in storage. Note to self 1014 a.m. Collins thinks. The Michael Jackson Middle is a bad idea because the 2019 Christmas party blackface debacle. I would never do that, but maybe two soon as Edwards if she do as Sonny and Cher medley with me. Note to self 11 12, mm, just remembered Brenda was laid off last week, maybe Cheryl and HR. No scratch that I could just do my ventriloquist bit with my Warren, Buffett dummy. Always gets good comments, Buffett dummy. It is Note to self, 11:30 a.m. have Perkins, create a weekly list of laid off employees and their departments. It's important to know that note to self 11:48 a.m. idea for autobiography title stopping the tide the life and career of Carl Bundt, Or against the tide. Note to self 11:54 a.m. ask Helen tonight. Why she stopped putting cute notes in my briefcase did. I do something wrong? Think. Bring some flowers home, for sure have Perkins ordered some flowers. Note to self, 106 p.m. remind Hutchins, to stop bringing fish for lunch so much the whole floor smells like Fisherman's Wharf or can I even do that anymore? Shitt, I don't even know have Perkins call a chart to see if I can even do that. Note to self 123 PM forget about calling HR Hutchins. Just apologize and sitting won't bring fish in the office anymore. I hope you didn't hear what I said, try to keep comments to myself. I I don't need any more HR inquiries. I have the cleaning crew, go heavy on the air. Fresheners near Hutchins desk. Note to self 134 PM, stop saying, no to self, try notes or note or idea slash ideas, or remind our reminders or brainstorm that's too long. How about? No no notes and then reminder reminders, I idea ideas for brainstorming good. All right. These on Post-its to remember, No 135 PM have Perkins order more Post-its. Note, should I give the time when I record these? I review at the end of the day. So what does it matter? You don't do the time, maybe that should have been under an idea. Reminder don't include Stewart and emails regarding the Baton Rouge expansion. Perkins should have removed him from the group last week. I'm so sick of him, forwarding emails to people that have no business seeing them. God, dammit fucking asshole. Shit. Idea, t-shirts for the company, picnic, with names and titles. Better than boring name tags, and more casual, maybe have different colors for each division better yet polo shirts for execs and t-shirts for everyone else. I like that maybe maybe hats to or maybe hats for execs and t-shirts for everyone else. I like that image much better makes it easier to spot. Who's who? Note 243 PM? Oh, damn it. I said the time doesn't matter. Okay remember. Oh this is a reminder. Don't Ask Gary about his wife's illness anymore to God damn awkward and he just ends up crying. It's embarrassing and bad from morale. Idea mosaic tile in the executive bathroom. Maybe some Cobalt blues and magentas with some paisley designs italianish. Oh, reminder remind Helen about dinner at Bella Italia Friday with the Petersons not optional. Note, see if there's anything pretending to the Baton Rouge expansion at home, computer or otherwise and get rid of it just to be sure. Clean out storage unit this weekend no Paper. Trails Note Clarice, is in town next weekend, send Helen, and kids to Blake house. Say, I'm having a few over for business strategizing. Schedule haircut manicure. I go to the gym. Ideas around a biography, when lightning strikes, a perfect storm. Corporate Alchemist. Drinking the corporate Elixir, no, no spitting out the Kool-Aid, the life and career of Carl Bundt. Yeah, that's the one. We are bored super metrics and we would be back tomorrow without this silly voice. I promise And please go ahead. Share this podcast with your