Transcript
Welcome to business pants. We are free flow. We are. Matt Ari. Jesse Damien today's podcast. Business pants, corporate theater. Let me hand it off to our MC. And get the show going. Our corporate theater players this week. All the extraordinary, Courtney Cook, Phil Haack, Ashley kutza and Mark McGee. This week on the show, we dive directly into our stupid bag. To Michigan. Ladies discuss a new Popeyes in town. New Starbucks, CEO lakshman. Narsi. Mann learned how to make a French press coffee. And German Chancellor Olaf Schultz sings about banking. Up first. Our audience demographics show mediocre support in the Midwest. So, we asked two women from Michigan to try their hands at writing a comedy sketch about the business news. And this is what they came up with. Thanks again, Connie and Sandy. And you too Jaco. A bit more coffee, Sandy. Oh, I love some dear. Oh, you know, I love these afternoons when we get together and read the Bay City Michigan business news. Oh Connie. Listen to this. Popeyes is coming to Midland. Oh, I love Popeyes. I always remember when we had lunch there in our trip to Des Moines. Oh yeah, it says here, the restaurant is under construction at 1807 South Saginaw Road just north of Pies. Chinese restaurant. I love pies Chinese. There's spring rolls, are Heavenly though. Mrs. Pike can be so rude. Sometimes, excuse me. Ladies did I just hear you mention Popeye's Chicken? Good morning, Jaco Sandy. This is Jaco, the foreign exchange student I told you about. He's staying with Carl, and I for a few months. Oh yeah. It's wonderful to meet you Jaco, or should I say good day, mate? Well some of us don't really appreciate it. But you do you look You do realize how on healthy Popeyes. Chicken is write 350 calories in one single piece. And these fast-food places pump their chickens full of antibiotics. You know what that does. Yeah, well maybe you can guess it, but the the overuse of antibiotics has been blamed for contributing to the rise of life, threatening human infections caused by antibiotic resistant bacteria. Well, but Popeyes. Sure does put a lot of space in their food though, too much for me. Oh, the Midland Mall auction has been postponed until March 28th Connie. Wouldn't it be fun? Oh, no, well, maybe years ago, but not now. Malls are dying left and right Sandy. So sad says here, the mall was building 1991. Oh my God. Connie that's over 30 years ago. I remember when that opened? Oh the fun we had at that place, you know, that's where I met Ted at the orange juice. Oh, that's right. Oh, he was so handsome in that orange. I know he never wears are and Jenny Moore ever since the stroke he can't bear to even look at the color orange. Isn't that weird? Um, she's the human brain is so interesting. Oh, look Flagging Hymer is retiring. A scene for a long time. I know it says here 25 years. Oh, gee. I remember Mark when he sang at our church choir, he had such a beautiful soprano voice. He was like a boy angel. I think you mean Tanner, huh, boys? Can't sing soprano. No, no, no. It was definitely. Surprised Ranger. The church called. He wanted Mark to take these special voice lessons in Chicago, but his parents could not afford them. Oh, I wonder if he's still staying. Oh my God. Weren't you Michigan? Sugar Company Queen, I just remembered that. Yes, I was Michigan Sugar Queen for 1992. I got to be in the Bay City Christmas Parade. I had a sash and a tiara now. Hold on a minute hold on a minute. I Sugar Company used to teenage girl as a promotional, spokesperson Sugar Company. Believable. This country is obsession with sugar is mind-boggling and the way they've always marketed sugar to kids as bloody evil. That's why you're obesity numbers are through the roof and have been for Generations. Oh, I, I remember the Tiara it was so sparkly. Do you still have it? No, my brother. Earl wore it for his princess die costume for a Halloween party. He won second place in the costume contest. He lost to Gary Barber Schmidt's. Billy Ray, Cyrus. Oh yes, mullets were huge back then. And anyway, he was doing the worm dance and he bent the Tierra all up. He felt so bad. I just threw it away. Oh, hey, sombreros Mexican restaurant owner. Joseph Stricker announced a new special just for Lent, mojarra. Freedom, fish dish. Oh, that is delicious. I've had that so good. You know, I think that's wonderful that Sombreros does that for the Catholics? I mean. Don't you think that naming a Mexican restaurant? Sombreros is a bit offensive? I mean, Joseph Striker doesn't exactly sound like a Latino name. I mean, wouldn't you rather patronize a latino-owned Mexican restaurant with authentic Latino Cuisine? Let's the traditional Mexican dish which the kitchen makes with old. Tilapia or red. Snapper has been so popular with customers that strict or is considering adding it to the menu year round. The fish is seasoned with the restaurant signature. Seasoning blend and deep fried. Oh, that sounds so good. You should try it. It's so good. Do you have to be a Catholic to eat it though since I'm Presbyterian? I, I wouldn't want to eat something the Catholics have to eat, you know, if that's the only thing they can eat during Lent and I can sure have a burger or something. Presbyterians, don't have a strict diet like the Catholic stew. Well, somewhere else has other fish dishes, so I think you'd be okay in ordering it. Oh, that's good. Oh look, the Michigan Small Business Development Center, his name Bay City's Barney's, Bakehouse Bakery among Michigan's. Best small businesses, well, good for them. Oh my God, they're nutty fried doughnuts. They're like heroin to me blood Hell more sugar and fat. Look in my three weeks here. I don't think I've ever seen a piece of fruit in this house. Do any of you around here? Eat fruit. That's probably why Sandy's husband had a stroke, you know I think I preferred the donuts at Elaine's bake shop on Euclid Ave but you know they closed last fall. I know. So sad. Covid, really hit them hard like so many small businesses. They never really rebounded after that. Well, extra kudos for Barney's Bakehouse Bakery for surviving. Yeah. Kudos. Look if you're government had helped out individuals and small businesses, more back, when covid began, you'd all be in much better shape. In Australia, we had the pandemic leave disaster payment, that was 1500 dollars for two weeks if you had to isolate or quarantine, then there was also the covid-19 hardship payment that was 270 bucks. If you missed work because you or someone you cared for was isolating. And let's not forget, the covid-19 tests and isolate support payment, that was an additional 320 bucks. If you needed to self-isolate and couldn't work while waiting for a PCI test result in comparison. It's like you pull a bug is left out in the call. Now just think if the United States had programs like that a lot of businesses would still be around Oh geez. Now I'm hungry for a Barney's donut. Let's go get one or two. Haha, you're on, but I have to be home by 11:00. The Plumber's coming over to look at the upstairs toilet. It's on the fritz again and Ted kind of lost his Plumbing skills after the strobe. Nobody did. I'll say it again. Sandy the human brain is so interesting. Jekko come with us to get a doughnut. I'd rather eat a piece of antibiotic pumped poultry. You know, Connie. He ought to come with subtitles. I know what you mean. His accent is so strong. Come with us Jaco. We're getting a donut. Yum, yum. Jesus crossed. I always see Catholic. You should take him to Sombrero's. Good idea, I love it. There you have such Up next, all business plans, corporate the other side. You take a look at this headline. New Starbucks CEO to work half day, shift, in stores, monthly. According to CNN new Starbucks, CEO lakshman narsi man. Just learned how to make a French press coffee. He is with his therapist explaining the exciting day. Good morning, laxman. Nice to see you this morning. You too Heather. You too. Well, here we are our first therapy session since you officially became CEO of Starbucks. Tell me. How is it going? It's been a week. Tell me, tell me. Were you able to take part in the Barista training program? Like he'd helped. Yep. Well, tell me about it. Last week, you were just starting to tell me why this was important to you, why it was important to jump into the Barista role. Let's start there. Well, I felt it was very important to start as a barista. I wanted to really understand what barista's do and how they do it, what they do and how they do it. So you want to do like some research? Yes. And I need to understand what my employees. I'm sorry. My partner's. That's Howard. Schultz frame things. God. I remember that partner's partner's. How my partners are experiencing the front lines Partners. Sorry, I I don't mean to laugh at that. It's just kind of a funny way to talk about people who work in your stores. We're in this together, we're a family, Heather. All right. All right. So tell me a little about this training program, you part. In sure, I've learned so much about the retail experience from working in our stores. And I love it. I can now make an excellent French Press if I do say so myself. Well, that's fascinating. Oh, I'm kind of curious. Had you never used a French press before? Oh gosh. No. Never never. Hmm, that's rather interesting. Coming from a Starbucks CEO. May ask how you usually make your coffee. Make my coffee. Yeah. Yeah, make your coffee. Well, to be honest, I've never really made coffee before. You don't know how to make your own coffee. It's embarrassing. But no, I mean, now, I know after this Barista training, right, right. And I really did learn so much. I mean I had no idea how complex The French Press was. Did you what do you mean complex? Well they're just so many steps are there. Yes. And you really have to pay attention and kind of do them and in the right order you know not to muck at all up. I don't think I know what you mean. Well, here, let's go over it. This is good for me. I need to be tested on this stuff. Oh shoot. I've already forgetting. What comes first, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay, it's okay. Would you like to take a minute and maybe pull out your notes from the training session? Yes, just good idea. Okay. Alright, here we go. First thing, you do is boil water, right? Okay. Boil water. Step one. Wait, wait, no, no, no fur. First I think you grind the beans. That's right. That's right. Grind the bean. Well, hold on. I'm not trying to trip you up here, but are you sure it's necessary to grind the beans first. Yeah, because you have to have the beans ready to wait. No. Maybe a boil the water first. That's right. I I was right the first time boil the water first. Thank you. Okay. So first you boil the water, then what then I think you. Yeah. You get the bean ready. You grind the beans. How does that work? Exactly. Well you you take a bag of beans and pour some in the grinder. Okay, okay. So, you grind the beans is this. While the water is boiling or yes? No, that's right. While the water is boiling, you grind the beans, okay? Okay. See what I mean? This is not know. I know I know it requires a serious level of focus and concentration. I mean I can imagine it's specially hard if there's just all the stuff going on around you like like you've got your customers placing orders cash registers sounds people calling out names. All of that is so distracting. Totally So what do you do next? You've got your beans you got your beans ground and your water is boiling and And then what? Okay, next is know. This is tough but bear with me. You gotta put the right amount of beans into the French press and that requires a certain level of math knowledge in the form of ratios. Okay, you've lost me. So here, let me try to simplify it basically. And don't don't freak out at these numbers. But basically, you've got to use a one to 12 ratio of beans to water. Oh my God, you might as well be speaking gibberish here. Look, I'll make it simpler. No no no no, no. That's okay. I just have some math things, anxiety. That's all me. That's on me. Let's move on what's next. Well, this is where it gets complicated. This is where it gets complicated. It is so far Jesus. Christ carefully. Somehow you've got to get the boiling water into the French Press. Now, you can't just hold the kettle with your bare hands. You, you've got to use a buffer of some kind like, an oven mitt or a glove of some kind, something that will protect your hands. Because Lord, this sounds almost like an accident waiting to happen. That's why you need to really focus and ask for help if you need it. No one should be going alone here. Okay. Okay, so you get, you get the water into the French Press with the beans. Net. Then what? Okay. Now the next part is critical setting the timer. Oh my God. How do you even know how long to set it for? It's a flat four minutes. The beans need to steep for four minutes. A timer Starbucks provides timers. You hit set then four zero zero and then go. Oh my God. Oh, that doesn't sound so bad. Well, it is if you forget about it. So you really have to pay attention and keep your head in the game. What happens if you forget? Well, that's the thing. Luckily, it beats when it's done, oh, thank God, you're telling me. So, the timer goes off. And that tells you what that the coffee is ready. Wow, that is amazing. That is, it's that simple. No, no not done yet. Know Jesus. What now, well, this is the part that truly does separate the men from the boys. The next step requires a certain amount of upper body strange to really pull it off. Oh God, what you have to carefully with consistent pressure but not too intense because you don't want the things sliding across the counter. Believe me, I did that plenty of times and my training, and the message that makes his just don't even get me started on the sanitation and mop used training. That's a whole other bag of beans. Okay, so so you press it, how press it down with the plunger. This takes considerable practice, and you just have to do it again and again to get it right. It's a bit of a muscle memory type thing, most people get it some don't, but most people eventually get it. Okay, so, You've pressed the thing down. Is it ready? You betcha? Then you pour it into a paper cup and call the name of the customer and you're good to go. I've spent half a day a month working in one of my stores and it's just been the greatest. Most Illuminating thing for me to experience. I'm hoping it makes me a better CEO. I really do. Well, I think joining the guys on the ground, I think that's an excellent way to show that. Just because you're the man at the top you can still make 16 dollars an hour, making french press coffee. Well, let's not go that far. My rate is still 4,471 dollars an hour, right? Right, right. 8.8, million annually, and you don't even know how to make a cup of coffee. I know, write 280 times, a salary of a starting barista. Before I get to our last sketch. Let me once again. Thank God business pants. Cooper theater in alphabetical order. They all got Ashley kutza and Mark McGee. And finally, let's end Today's Show with a delightful Cameo from German Chancellor Olaf Schultz. as he attempts to soothe any fears related to Germany's beloved Deutsche Bank, Mr. Schultz in fact is so moved that he just can't help, but I can out into song Kudos Jolla. Cont in my fellow Germans. It is I your beloved Chandler's. Please forgive me for interrupting, your television and radio routine for tonight, but I wanted to take a few minutes to address the terrible rumors about our beloved Deutsche Bank. It seems some people are letting the unfortunate happenings with certain United States Banks. Caused them to worry that. Something like that. Could happen to Deutsche Bank. Oh, my lips and the rest assured that there is no cause for any concern, do not listen to that. Chicken, little Janet Yellen, and financial stability, oversight Council to to, they really think that Deutsche could end up like they are puny little trendy Silicon Valley Bank do they really think that George could end up like Credit, Suisse more like Credit Suisse cheese because I it has so many holes in it. Oh no, no, no, they know nothing about how German banks, work, German banks are strong And resilient. No no matter the crisis Deutsche Bank is still sound and strong and very profitable just just like Germany herself, don't you think is Deutschland and Deutschland is Deutsche Bank. So to calm your fears, I have decided to sing you. A soothing calming lullaby this evening. Now, close your eyes. Take a nice deep breath. And do not give even one thought about starting or run on a bank. That is no need. That is no need. That is no need. Everything's all right. Just sleep tight. Don't you worry? Just trust me. So it and strong, there's nothing wrong. Deutsche Bank is not going has been here for 1503 years. So calm your fears and drive. Everything's, all right. Your bank for Ever. Don't you listen to say are yelling? She knows nothing about Germany. Solid and strong. That's nothing. Wrong. Deutsche is nothing like Credit. Suisse Cheese. We are bored super metrics and we will be back tomorrow without this silly voice. I promise And please go ahead. Share this podcast with your pal.