Transcript
Wmpg thrives on support from listeners and from local business such as the West End news featuring original content and Neighborhood News in print and online. The West End news is a locally-owned independent monthly publication online at the West End news.com. This is double u m p g. Portland Gorham. It is Thursday afternoon. To 30 p-m. April 20th. 2023, that's right. 2:30 p.m. It's so delightful. To be able to bring this programming to you in the afternoon. Love it. I love being on the afternoon. We are excited once again to present to you. The business pants corporate theater. The only. Corporate theater. Active. In this great region of New England and across the world. Come on, let's be honest. Who else? Is pulling the headlines. from the business news, part of the newspaper and turning them directly into Satire, come on. Nobody. All right, Let's do let's get to the show. Our corporate theater players this week. Ah, the extraordinary Courtney Cook. Phil Haack, Ashley kutza and Mark McGee. Each week. The hardworking crew here at business pants and free float. Will rip actual business news, headlines from reputable news sources and hand those very real headlines directly over to our business pants. Corporate Theater Company who will then draw matise and satirize the stories so that the world can finally enjoy. And yes, maybe even understand the business news. This week on the show, we have a delightful hodgepodge of merriment. We have moms defending their children, who have done terrible things. In inside. Look at the business pants. Corporate theater and entertainment Department. and finally, another installment of our very own right wing fear among Aurora cooker, Charleson. With his scrumptious anti-woke and thigh ESG series called. Are you terrified yet? Up first. We join Charlton sucker. with another edition of Moms defending their children, who have done terrible things. Please. Hello and welcome to another edition of moms defending, their children, who have done terrible things and I'm your host Charlton sucker and let's get right to it. Recently won May musk mother to what some people have erroneously labeled as an entrepreneur and an adventure and what others have more accurately labeled as an irritant, a harmful human, and a potential Harbinger for the end of days, Elon Musk recently, defended her son, asking folks to quote, stop being mean to him. Yes, this woman is asking people to stop voicing criticisms to her, son, who claims to be a free speech, absolutist. A man who famously purchased a speech platform for four times what it was worth and then sunk it. And yes, this is from the woman who was stated that when she visits her genius, boy, her words, he makes her sleep in the garage. Yes, we did not make that up folks. Look at up. Anyway this week through the power of History satire and looking some up on a Wikipedia. We present the most likely fictional speeches of history from moms defending their children who have done terrible things. First up, we have Mama Mussolini, let's have a listen to her, try to defend her son Benito. Hey, what are you all the saying? Uh-huh. Stop being a mean to my boy. Yeah, he's ruining Italy. He's doing a good job. What are you saying? His friends with that Hitler guy. He's helping him take over the world. He's spreading fascism all over the globe. Get out of here with that talk. Why? I wanna stop being a soul? I mean, my genius a son. and who can forget the lovely speech made by Anna Persia Cova mother of Rasputin So you want to criticize my son? My sweet Gregory stop being so mean to my boy, he's great religious leader. What's that? You ask of which sect, who knows? But it's great religious leader. What's that? You're saying he's a manipulative political weasel who is rolling Russia. Through his influence, over the tsars. Nothing could be further from the truth. He is simply trying to help a rulers and Russia. What's that you retort by saying that I am admitting that, he has influence over Russian rulers, stopping some into my boy. I heard what you all did to him last week, you fed him poisoned cakes, which did not affect him. Then he drank three glasses of wine that you had poisoned from, which she was fine. Then you shot him but they did not keep him down it. Chased the guy who shot him outside and then that same guy shot my pork Gregory again and was this he still gets up what you're going to do next, wrap him up in a carpet and throw him in the NASA River. Yeah I like that old stuff him. Stop being so mean to my genius son. and who can forget agrippina the younger mother tenero emperor of Rome giving this a gripping a defense of her son Hey ciao, what do you want to sing? Amina. Do with my boy. He's a rolling it to lie. He's doing a good job. And boy, can he play an instrument? Roma was burning, and he wasn't distracted at all by it? How can you create the size of him? And did you hear that? In the most recent Olympics? He won every medal. Now, only as smart, the boy, I can do that. What you think? He's a stupid Boyer, you think he's a dumb? What? Like the sort of guy who would a pay four times, or what something is worth and then break it? That kind of guy? No way a Pompei stop being so I mean, the Maya genius son. And if you order now, we have a bonus speech that only just came out this week. Fed him a divorce. Her mother of some guy, calling himself, George Santos. Listen to what she has to say, when she hears folks, criticizing her son. Who. George Santos. You mean George devolder? And I can't think of anything bad. He's done. No, he helped build a couple Bridges and he paid for the repairs at 50 lies. In the state. No. No. I know. It sounds wild, but he told me so himself yet. And he also plays piano really well. He can play both Rachmaninoff and Stravinsky. Piano. Reductions at the same time? No, I have never heard him play, but he told me so himself. He also helped Spider-Man and Superman on the same Mission. Yeah, I know, they're from two different intellectual properties. But hey, isn't. that even more impressive, stop being so mean to That guy who told me he was my son. Thank you moms or should I say? Thank you, mothers. This next sketch is a very special. Inside. Look. At the business pants corporates theater. And entertainment departs. We now take you to the weekly meeting of the business pants, entertainment Department, corporate Theater comedy division. Already in progress had comedy writer, budgie fun bag, presiding And then we have Elon Musk slip on a banana peel and fall into a giant vat of vanilla pudding. Oh, don't you just love that? I mean, who doesn't like a good? Banana peel gag. Even on the radio and the vanilla pudding. Just adds another level of insanity. It's like, who is a fan of vanilla pudding just sitting around, it's so absurd. Oh, I know, I'm kidding. Nothing is too funny. Oh my goodness. What fun. Oh okay. What's on next story? Oh my yes. This one. This one definitely will take all our powers of funny. What is it budgie? Oh, on January 20th, a software engineer at Google was laid off only hours before she went into labor with his second child. Hi, my, that is a challenge. Isn't it? Is there anything in there? We can make funny. Well, how about this detail? The woman's husband who also works at Google had woken early and heard news of the layoffs. He was not laid off himself, but he checked his wife's email and saw that she was. I woke up around 6 a.m. and my husband was just saying, I'm so sorry. You know, I think this something wickedly fossil about that picture this, the hairy husband hearing the initial news, about the layoffs, and then running back to his wife's room to tell her, but she's loudly moaning and doing a breathing exercises. So he runs back to the computer and sees the email that the wife got laid off and makes a sad. Oh, remark. And then and then sees that, he didn't get laid off and make the loud. Yes, remark. And when the wife yells from the other, The room, what are you doing? Who are you talking to get back in here? And then, he's stammers trying to think of a nice way to let her know and just ends up saying I'm so sorry, you're just got laid off. We can throw in a sad trombone sound effect or even a laugh track know, I don't know. Budgie. Oh we can make it sound like a scene from a French Frost or a blanket with movie. Those are always funny. The woman said she couldn't stop shaking and crying, and she's going through a very difficult postpartum experience. This is a tragic story. Yeah, but that's where the best comedy comes from. That's true but this one, I don't know. Oh anyway we can use her going into labor and Google getting rid of six percent of it so but he see what I'm going at. I see. But it's not that. Funny. No no. You're right you're right. Oh, great job so fat. This is a tough one. Oh well I'm afraid. What? Just gonna have to pass this off to anoya. To annoy a wall. She's the corporate theater. Head drama writer. oh, I love how she does that anoya, you're a stitch a real Stitch. What do you want budgie? I'm very very, very, very busy. Oh, doesn't she just drip drama? She's wonderful anoya. We've come across a story for corporate theater that we just can't make funny. Maybe you've heard of it, and employee of the Google was about to go into labor and she was appallingly laid off. Yes, I heard tragic simply tragic. My writers and I have actually been burning the midnight oil over this. You see there is a very delicious gooey melodramatic core to this tale. Oh do tell on the surface, you have the basic story of a pregnant woman being laid off hours before she went into labor. But the heartbreaking testimony of the woman. That's another gut wrenching. Level to it all. Oh, I'm at my most vulnerable physically, mentally and emotionally. She said, and every one of those intimate moments with my newborn I can't fully enjoy them. To her the devastation of losing her job greatly. Eclipses, the joy of giving birth there are no details that the news caused detriment to the child's delivery. So we can safely assume that child is happy and healthy but her Focus remained on the job loss. In her own words, what was supposed to be a beautiful and exciting day of labor was overshadowed, but all of this shock and terrible news. The eternal battle of joy and heartbreak and heartbreak seems to be winning. It's so wonderfully, Bleak and downright operatic. In fact, we are currently attempting to develop an opera based on the story in Opera, what an undertaking. That'll be a corporate theater first. And this will not be for the podcast know, This needs to be performed live on stage, like a true Opera. Can you just see the image of the forlorn mother holding her cooing newborn as she gazes at the child and sings with motherly Delight? But then turns her gaze to the husband. Bringing the terrible news about her job loss and her song becomes a dark and joyless whale. It's so vagina. I'm sobbing already. Thank you. Thank you for alerting us of this budgie. But as you can see, we are on it. Oh, thank you anoya. Oh, a flipper, her camping. She's gone. She's like a very own Batman. Well, well, well what time is it? Oh, it looks like it's time for our 115 coffee, cake break. All right, after the break. Let's revisit the Elon Musk bit. How about instead of vanilla pudding? He falls into a tapioca pudding. Tapioca is a funnier word, most definitely, tapping. Okay, it is all right, who wants some whipped cream on that coffee cake? I do. Before I get to our last sketch. Let me once again, thank our business pants. Cooperate theater. in alphabetical order, they are Courtney Cook. Philip Hawk. Ashley good and Mark McGee. Thank you. Our last piece. Is the return of our very own cute and cuddly, right? Wing. Fear mongrel. Entire woke anti-esg series called. Are you terrified yet? This week Cocker is warning us about woke. Chicken. You may have seen recently, how M&M's got woke, because apparently candies aren't allowed to be gendered anymore. The left wants us to make them all androgynous. Lumps of diabetes in stead of just letting us enjoy a sugary treat in high heels. The problem is that well we are all sleeping in this country progressives didn't stop at brightly colored vaguely, chocolate flavored corn syrup balls. No, instead antifa has been hard at work in concert with money managers. You've never heard of and the Democrats to change, everything about the food you once, loved, and once you see it, you can't unsee it. I'm Tucker Carlson. And this is, are you terrified yet? I'm going to read something to you from a Wendy's chicken. Nuggets commercial from 1995. Dave, the founder of Wendy says Wendy's chicken nuggets are all white meat. I see a lot of you order them for your kids and then I see you eat some. Well, they're not looking. Come on, buy your own. Or this from a Church's Chicken. What used to be a family-owned fried chicken restaurant in 1995 For 99 cents will give you two big juicy pieces of fried chicken. Now, if you're a reasonable person in America, those commercials are a nice piece of nostalgia. For a time when leftist inflation wasn't driving prices up, that Wendy's meal that was 99. Cents is now 2:39 and the Churches Chicken will set you back. 4:49 today we have ESG or environmental social and governance policies, the back room, dealings between leftist Elites to thank for those pricing creases. And while that's bad enough, here's something you probably didn't notice. White meat and big juicy pieces. There was a time when everyone of all Races Creeds and religions could consider white meat to be the best and big to be just fine. But now, even to say it is to run a foul of an outrage left looking to influence your every thought. Yes. What should terrify you is that the thought police aren't just out to turn us all into socialists but they even want to destroy the basic meritocracy of our chicken. Let's go back to Wendy's for example. Last spring when Wendy's launched a campaign called good done. Right to placate the woke leftist investors at places like BlackRock and State Street. That campaign includes the following pledges. To increase representation of women in leadership. To increase diverse representation in management and Leadership. To drive diversity on the board of directors, to Institute, an animal care, standards program to allow for open pens and less antibiotics. Nowhere in Wendy's. Good Done, Right campaign? Did they say that? Right is better performance for shareholders. Nowhere. Does it say right? Is diversity of political thinking? And nowhere. Does it say right is best tasting food? Know what it does. Almost say, is less white and more of the left. And my favorite part is, we're not even allowed to have big juicy meat anymore. Why At churches, do you know who the owners are? A firm called High Bluff, Capital affirm, run by Anand, gowda who met his money at metropolis and Company the company that bought twinkies and a spin-off of you guessed it, BlackRock, or maybe? Because when Wendy's new standard of care is to allow animals to roam free in Stead where they might likely lose weight, get more diseases and by my guests taste worse. So next time you go to pick up some Eminem's or chicken nuggets, understand something, the left is making your food, more expensive, less delicious and woker as we speak Before you pop it in your mouth, ask yourself. Are you terrified yet? Almost. Cut my hair. It happened just the other day. It's getting kind of. Said it was in my way. I feel like letting my mind. Must be because I had the flu for Christmas. My paranoia. Together. That's it. That's all the time we have for today. Thursday, it's almost 3 p.m. here at w. M p, g Portland Gorham. We are business pants. I would once again like to thank our fabulous cast here, business pants corporate leader, Markie Courtney Cook Philip Hawk. Ashley kutzer Also, like to thank everybody back in the home office. Hari. Chestnuts. G.