Jensen Huang wants you to hate him like other tech bros

Yeah, I Live from the shallow end of a Hilton brand Hilton branded ESG pool of Glasscliff CEO candidates. What? Do you do you remember we're we're recording or like live right now, right? You just seem like you just realized you woke up. I just don't know what that is. So the Hilton has a pool, an ESG pool, where they gather glasscliff CEO candidates. Is that true? Do you think that's true? I don't know. It's an it's an all new terrific Tuesday edition of Baz Business Pants featuring analyst Hole Matt Muscarty on today's AI fueled love fest called September twenty eighth, twenty twenty six Biz Nuggets They fill the pool with glass clips. Yeah, there it is. It's definitely not AI fueled. Are we the last remaining outlet that does no AI con I don't like write anything using AI. I never I never do. Well Let me think if I have any AI. No, I guess I don't. I don't know, maybe some of the headlines were covering maybe they used AI to that's true. Well, that doesn't count. We didn't write that. All right, let's can we let's make it a quick nuggets show. Just so let's yeah, quick nuggets. Go ahead. You start us. Go. Tell some jokes. Quick nuggets, tell some dumb jokes. My first one easily demonstrates the stupidity of biz nuggets. In our Yeah. In our Like we needed demonstrating. Innovations like Reese's double chocolate cups, Hershey's Choco Balls, and Hershey's Choco Tubes, headline of the week. Hershey CEO says America's two hundred and fifty years of innovation and why we expanded our innovation pipeline fifty percent in one year. Tubes. Wow, that's a lot of percent. They have innovation at Hershey's? Really that come on, stop. Double chocolate cups, that was one of their pro no, by the way, those are real products. Hershey's chocolate, chocolates, and double chocolate cups, all real products. Double. Can we discuss that you Is that real? Those are real. They they they know that balls and tubes does sound sexual, right? Like they sell balls and tubes. I didn't even pick it for that reason. It's just I can't believe how dumb first of all, there's choco balls and choco tubes. I come on. What are we doing? All right. That's the innovation. Wha what other what other innovative shape can we come up with? Innovation. How about you innovate your Hershey's burn to taste good? How is you put chocolate back in it? In our if I'm wrong, your corpse has full permission to sue my corpse. Headline of the week. Nvidia CEO Jensen Wayne guarantees Zero percent chance AI will end the world amid warnings about humanity's extinction. Zero percent chance that's beautiful. Guarantees. Ooh. Yes. Guarantees Guarantees Look look if anybody knows it's a guy who sold video cards so that you could play Leisure Suit Larry in nineteen ninety three, that guy knows the chances of extinction. I promise I promise everybody that when we do go extinct and we're all dead, our first business pants show is gonna be a We Told You So edition. Yeah, our corpses will do it. Yeah. Right? We're gonna come on dead and be like, You're wrong, we're dead. Full Corpse edition. Did we lose Damien? Is it just me? Or did I did I go out? No it's y it's your turn. You went out. Finally it wasn't me. Now it's my internet. Mine never goes out. Alright. Keep going. I need the internet for this one 'cause it's a long joke. Are we I'm I'm just gonna have to step in 'cause Damien went out again. I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can hear me, Damien, stop talking because I got this. You ready? I'm gonna just jump in. I'm gonna dive into mine. In our wait, should I should I just wait? I should just probably wait. Because it's like it's not exactly like there's like deep viewership of our live show. there it's now he's finally now he's finally he's finally gone. Now we can have the conversation we've always wanted to have. Just me and the audience. The audience of none. This is what I got to say. the Headlines that we choose are supposed to be comical to us. But I c had a hard time this week finding actual comical headlines because nothing's really that funny. Although I will tell you that Jensen Huang is very funny now. a guy seriously, I I looked up NVIDIA stock. Nvidia IPO'd in nineteen ninety nine at like four cents a share. It IPO'd in nineteen th that's like after splits and stuff is all adjusted, but it IPO'd in nineteen ninety-nine. It sat Damien's back. I was just talking about NVIDIA. I don't know if I trust Do I trust it? My music's really hot. Music's hot. Why is it different? Yeah, I think you do. 'Cause you're back now. Well, it's just hot on your side. all right, should I should I should I pretend? Should I keep going? What yeah, why don't you go from the last one we heard was the NVIDIA one. Alright, let's move on. I feel I d I don't feel comfortable now because my it's always your internet, not my internet. Alright, we're gonna need internet for this long dumb joke. Ready? An hour I love when you preface it by saying it's long and dumb. Just being honest in our okay. You got a pen? Yeah, I'll wait. Yeah, I'm still here. Okay. What you're gonna wanna do is call Dave and tell him that Jim needs to tell Susan to get the third blue key on the second keychain in that fourth drawer down. And then you're gonna give that key to Gus. Now here's where it gets tricky, so make sure you write this down. Hello? Are you still there? Hello? Hello? I don't even know what's happening. That's weird. I think he hung up. All I could hear was some stakes sizzling and really loud screaming and then nothing. So rude. Headline of the week. my god, that was Tesla instructs firefighters to call two separate support hotlines in the event of a robotaxi accident. So according to new guidance posted by the company owned by Elon Musk, a firefighter who has to deal with a cyber cab in an emergency or that had an accident might not need to call might might not might need to call two different Tesla support hotlines and wait for an employee to assist them with their request. So because Wow. Putting out the fire has certain dangers and getting access to the co like so y but I so it Yeah. So basically let's assume that the the issue is the the cyber cab with a human in it lit on fire. You want the firefighters to have two separate numbers to call and wait on hold for Because because because first of all, I guess because of the nature of the electrical fire there's there's an issue and then also because getting access to the passengers an issue because of the fire and the electronic so I mean but the real issue here clearly is Elon Musk somehow getting this car passed how does it how does it pass regulation? Like how does it get on the road? I Alright. In our Why yeah, why does the car not have that? This is need to Yeah, there are no regulations anymore. Just not the college you want to go to or actual, you know, just college is in general headline of the week. Quote, we believe in college, end quote. Inside Andreessen Horowitz's forty-two million dollar unaccredited academy that will charge Harvard prices without degrees. Is that is that the tech bro college equivalent of I have a black friend? We when you say we believe in college, d isn't that like no we clearly don't. We don't believe in college. So this are so these are three dudes and a woman. I'll give I'm gonna get credit here. There's a woman. There's three dudes, including Mark Andriesen, of course. All three dudes went to college. Good big American research universities like University of Illinois, Michigan, Berkeley. Now, the great thing is they actually found a woman on the founding team. Her name is Zelda Poham. Right? she's one of the founding team members, and her quote. From her bio was I kid you not, she says, I dropped out of high school ten years ago to reinvent education. So so we have a not a college dropout, but a high school dropout who is so precocious that she thinks that she can reinvent education because I love all of that. I love it. I love it. Yeah. Look, education didn't work for her. So she knows how to reinvent a an education system she did not participate in. What what are we even doing? You know, I actually I saw the headline that they they were offering this. I almost put it on our Friday show and I took it out, but I went through like 200 Andreessen Horowitz team member bios and it was like I don't They believe in college. Yeah, I saw that. I saw those l that list, yeah. Like all of went to like Stanford, Harvard, Yale, Princeton. And and they're and it's like they're the ones who are backing no college for like it was stupid. Of course. They all believe in college, sort of kind of. For them, for them. Well, they they want the chance to brainwash them, right? I mean they they wanna they wanna get in their heads. Yeah. In our just please avoid some of these phrases like flesh harvest, corpse data, soul liquidation, water famine, descent purge, forced oblivion, artist mining, childhood scraping, data center feudalism, or human extinction, especially that last one. Yeah, equal opportunity brainwashing, yeah. Human extinction doesn't poll very well. Thanks. Headline of the week. Open AI is enlisting an influencer army to make it look good for the world. That's the quote. Look good for the world. Can can we just stop having influence? Influencer shouldn't be a thing. What's an influencer? Why is that even a word though? Isn't that just like an someone who works in advertising? Why is that a word, influencer? It it's an advertiser. 'Cause it's like people well no, what the difference is like if you got everyday people with dopey iPhones who take who take v videos of themselves primping in the mirror before they go to work and saying stuff. it's a fake advertiser. Okay, so it's Okay, so it's someone who is posing as a real person but getting paid to do advertising. Right. I don't even know how that's legal, frankly. I I don't yeah. Alright, I'm gonna take a break. You take over for a while. Getting paid to advertise as a real person, not an advertiser. I don't know what anything is anymore. All right, let's do this. In our desert state, surprise to learn they get a lot of sun. Headline of the week. Nevada is making surprising gains in solar energy. Yeah, why what's with that headline? What w that's from the Wall Street that's from the Wall Street Journal. I what what is surpr I mean, have they been to Nevada, the Wall Street Journal? What's surprising? It's real fucking sunny in Nevada. It's hot and sunny. That it it actually would be surprising if they had no gains in solar. That's the surprise. It's like really easy to get gains in solar. n I just thought that was such a dopey headline. The rest of these get more serious. In our because everyone wants to be a CEO now, headline of the week. Hot. Sunny all the time. And there's and there's no trees blocking the sun anywhere. IRS steps up fraud fight with new app CEO promises one hundred percent secure platform. Why why promise that? You know it's not possible. I had forgotten this. I know it was a big thing that Scott Bessent was acting IRS commissioner, because the commissioner is appointed by the Senate. And Bessent was filling in, and then it he ran out of time to be the fill in, and the Senate won't confirm a new one because it won't put a real one up and the Democrats will fill a buster. So Donald Trump created Mm-hmm. They don't care. The CEO of the IRS that he can appoint that isn't the commissioner, but is does all the things that the commissioner does. I I just like that that like Frank Bizignano or whatever the guy's name is like walks around saying, I'm the CEO of the IRS. It's so dumb. It just makes me giggle. It's so dumb. this one, less dumb. In our my god. Yeah. my god. So stupid. To be clear, it was a girls' school we bombed, so don't be so judgy. Headline of the week Palantir's co founder thinks we should be less judgmental about that deadly Iran school strike. Wait, p now it was Palantir technology that that caused the confusion in the first place, was it not? But what what was that even mean? Wha judge how are we being judgy? Yeah. I don't like this. Whatever. Does it matter? So here's what he said. This is Joe Lonsdale, not Alex Carp. This is what he said. He said he first he said, obviously it's terrible what happened to those children. Obviously. When you have to start obviously it's terrible, then like I was already off the rails. But he did say it could be the case that somebody made ninety-nine really good choices and then one bad choice. Obviously, yeah. Yeah, it's it's already off the rails. Yeah. Wha s what some who what somebody is he referring to? The AI that that created the target, that miscreated yeah. It's unclear. And then he yeah, he goes on to blame. Well, it's probably Iran who was fooling the AI and tricking it into bombing a school so that they'd look good. And he then he said, This is something that the Palestinians do also sometimes. probably. Probably. Maybe. Yes. The p right. So the p the only the people that we tar the only the brown people that we target and bomb are the ones who are first of all, they're to blame for it for changing their names of their target. It's not it's not the people who were dropping the bombs that are to blame. It's just the greatest. It's just the greatest like sto like w like And then he said be less judgmental about a strike on a girl's school. What a world. Should anyone argue Obama's statement over the weekend that w that women in control of the government would make everything better, basically? Like like l listen to the people in control. I mean everything you the the I mean, I'd start, I'd I'd settle for not Joe Lonsdale in charge of anything. I'd start with that. I'd also settle for like not using AI to to to in war making. Just like get use graphs and maps and calculators. In our by self inflicted, I of course mean college dropout man children inflicted. Headline of the week. Peter Thiel says America's anti AI backlash is a self inflicted wound. I think he just misspoke. I think he meant to say it's a man child AI college dropout wound, right? Self inflicted. Like it's a yeah, it's a it's a wound against him and his peeps. Yeah, like he they caused the wound, right? Like aren't they? It's not a self inflicted. But I don't even know. I don't even know anymore. Yeah. I it's not gonna get better. In our by we, I of course mean you headline of the week. Mark Zuckerberg says AI will not kill us if we do a good job and act responsibly in interview. You're you're bringing me down with all this. So he what he really means is you if so if the public does a good job Yeah. Yeah. Well this is confusing because the but this is confusing because Zuck is one of the CEOs which does not want regulation over AI. So who so who's gonna do a good job? I don't really understand. Who's gonna act responsibly? But we do we know who does Zuck know who? So if you do a good job and act responsibly, then it will not kill us is 'cause it can't be him. Someone needs to do a good job and act responsibly. That's what he's saying. They there's not a we d it doesn't matter who somebody needs to. That's what he's saying. I need to take a break. This is too this is too much. Somebody needs to. Yeah, this is why I picked I knew you're gonna do this, so I I tried to go a little like dumber ESG, you know, stupid kind of jokes. this is a long winded one, but and this one's really only for me because it it's one of my pet peeves. In our a two thousand four, two thousand four report called Information Security Governance A Call to Action. was authored and released by the Corporate Governance Task Force of the National Cybersecurity Partnership, a public-private coalition formed by the Business Roundtable, Business Software Alliance, TechNet, Information Technology Association for America, and the U.S. Chamber of Commerce. The report urged corporate boards to treat information and cybersecurity as a primary governance duty rather than delegating it to IT departments. Headline of the week Wait, we were still on the that was the joke? That was the joke part? That's the joke. Yeah, that that report from 2004, the headline is AI and Cybersecurity. The new the new priorities for board governance in 2026. People, I mean what a I mean, that was twenty years ago, twenty-two years ago. In fact, there was even actually something that came out in nineteen ninety nine. Two twenty-two years ago they said it was a priority. Twenty two That actually it but it didn't reference cybersecurity specifically, so I dropped it. And then there was something that came out in this after Enron. but but again, like it wasn't specific enough. So I went with 2004 as the first date I could find something that really truly said, Hey, directors, do something. Yeah, so Cybersecurity, yeah. I mean, there's g there must be twenty five other reports too, be in the last ten years that say the same thing. At least, right? At least. of course, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And yet investors vote every director through. Every every director passes, except if you don't show up to a meeting. Every single year. But now we know the new priority. So Yeah, new priority. And our Hey Ma. The directors themselves are giving investors full permission to vote out low performers. So why won't they listen? Ask Dad too, maybe he knows. Headline of the week. The accent. that's terrible act. It's like so it's like somewhere in between like Boston North Shore and Jersey Shore. I don't know what's going on. More than half of directors want at least one fellow board member removed. Every year. Every year. This is every year directors are begging investors, look, we feel uncomfortable firing each other, but you have the vote. Please look at the credentials. Look at their performance. Go to I know. Yeah, it's fifty five percent data providers like freeflowanalytics dot com. Pick someone. We need board refreshment. We need we need new skills. We need IA oversight. We just please do your job. We just anybody You know, it's it's twenty five percent. One in four directors think that two or more directors should get voted out. Two You know what, but like the average size board of the SP five hundred is like eight or nine directors, right? Two out of eight is they want a full quarter of the board gone. Just get rid of them. Just Please. Two. They're they're giving us permission. Yes. But no. Investors, what is it? What's the percentage of ninety? Unbelievable. In our he also said, I'm not wearing perfect glasses. You are. And I know you are, but what am I? Headline of the week. Mark Zuckerberg says Meta was working on camera free Ray Bands before perfect glasses backlash. You see he was Ninety six percent, ninety six percent vote for. well he was always he always knew. He was already there. Yeah. He was already Yeah, what a liar. And our A genius man perfectly sums up the reason why less than eight percent of Russell three thousand CEOs are women when asked about the importance of female leadership. Here's the quote It's ridiculous. I love women. I think they're great, but what a ridiculous statement that is. Headline of the week. Donald Trump publicly says Barack Obama's statement about women running governments is ridiculous. So there you go. So it didn't take long to respond to how dumb it is to have women in leadership. Ridic but he loves women. He thinks they're great. I love women. Yeah. I I got a woman friend. I love women. Yeah. Imagine like like loving someone and thinking they're great, but they're still not qualified to be the leader of something. Like what what if you love someone's resume and credentials and you think they're great, why does that not qualify you to run something? I don't really understand what he's talking about. What does he mean he loves them? He loves them. That's all. J I don't you just don't overthink it. I love women. Alright, speaking of not overthinking, let me wrap up with this one. In our can't you just read more books? no. We're too worried. We don't have time. Headline of the week. CEOs are reading fewer books because of AI and it's starting to worry them. Just why are you bothering being worried? Just read a fucking book. Re I or unless you're saying you aren't capable of getting off AI, right? Like that's a totally different problem. That's like I have I'm addicted. I mean you yeah, the the solution doesn't that solution seem so obvious? Just pick up a friggin' book. Well, okay, but you can I d but CEOs and we're talking about ninety-two percent men here. I I mean y just I mean if the if the CEOs can't figure out this equation, why are ninety-two percent of Russell three thousand CEOs men? They're dopes. Alright, okay, I'm done. What do got? Yeah, let's go. This guy, he's already promising things that I love. Yeah, you should probably shouldn't be probably shouldn't be yeah, probably shouldn't be a CEO. Yeah. All right, I'm gonna wrap us up with a Jensen Wang NVIDIA edition to end our show. I this he was on fire in an Ezra Klein podcast interview. In our have you tried the off button headline of the week? Jensen Wang warned that AI labs unable to contain their models should shut down. I he just says sh he I agree with him. Shut him down. Like we're no we're not gonna die. He's so smart, Jensen. Well hmm so Yeah. Yeah, but this runs counter to his previous statement about how the he guarantees that things won't go bad because so he's suggesting that things that there are models out there that are going bad but they sh but shouldn't we regulate them being shut down? Shouldn't like Okay. That are bad. That are bad. Yeah. Yeah. He the mod there are only like a few front first of all, there's only a few frontier models and they are his biggest clients. So I'm not exactly sure. And our unless of course you are dead before you can sue them to death. Headline of the week. NVIDIA CEO says AI companies will be sued to death. I don't I don't know what's happening here. I don't know. Okay, keep going. If their frontier models keep doing horrible things. I just like that 'cause that's such a middle school thing to say, like sued to death. Right? Yeah. I mean, what what is that? Yeah. so again, like he's suggesting a pretty dark world out there, but but he's also guaranteeing that nothing's gonna go wrong? I I don't really understand what kind of a seesaw is he riding over there at NVIDIA? I would sue you to death, man. well is he though? Cause he said zero percent guarantee, but he also said in our I promise to kill everybody after twenty thirty headline of the week. NVIDIA CEO promises not to kill everybody before twenty thirty. Well, you know what? Now I now I kinda understand his sinister plan. So maybe he is. He's plotting he's plotting mass extinction in twenty thirty. I get it. Well, he's probably go to twenty thirty-one because this is this is the headline broke today it's way too obvious. It's still like an even year. this is the headline that broke today. Nvidia adds $150 billion to massive stock buyback, the largest ever. So they're totals they're buying back over $200 billion worth of their own stock. And guess when the plan ends? It ends in 2028. So you cannot Yeah, twenty thirty's too obvious, yeah. Ugh, yeah. Die until at least 2029, right? Like it has to be. So once it's 2029, then it's like, well, we could push it to 2031 and then kill you all. Cause we would have had time to build our bunker by then. In our I'm also willing to sacrifice your car, your collection of beanie babies, and at least two of your aunts or uncles. Headline of the week. Yeah. I don't like any of this. NVIDIA CEO Jensen Wang says that sacrificing our children's minds to AI is a price he's willing to pay. He's willing to pay that. He's willing to pay. You know, I I never I never thought to to look up does he have children? I I don't know. I don't it does it matter? Like Well maybe that's maybe that I can underst no he does. He has he has a daughter. No, he has two kids. Both of whom hold they both are executives at NVIDIA. That's a big surprise. But now why huh, I'm just curio I'm just curious why he'd be willing to sacrifice I'm just trying to understand this. He he wants to sacrifice kids' minds. That's that's a pretty dark It's a dark dude. This is a dark dude. Well he's that Ha. His k your kids' minds. Yeah, but they'll they'll be alive after by twenty thirty and they would have been sacrificed and I'm gonna Price he's willing to pay. Well he's so rich though, so I mean a price he's willing to I mean he could pay any price. What is it I mean, what doesn't really matter? Isn't he like the richest guy in the world at this point, like top three? Well he's he's in the he's in the top ten or fifteen, yeah. but no no wait a minute. The he's not willing to pay everything because listen, in our nothing would give me more joy than if you were poor, headline of the week. Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang says nothing would give me more joy than to pay more taxes. I'm just afraid of being poor. Alright, so who cares what price he's willing to pay? He can pay everything. please. He's afraid of being poor. That's what he said. This is a guy. Look, f for f from the time the stock IPO'd in 1999 until about 2020, it the his stock, NVIDIA stock was 20 cents to $5 a share. Like it was, it just sat and did nothing for actually 20 years. Nothing. In that time. Huang made an average of 1 million per year. And then from 2015 to 2020, maybe 15 million a year because he caught up with, you know, other CEOs who got paid even though their stock did nothing. But he accrued, probably, you know, not a like $80 million net worth, $90 million, maybe a hundred million dollar net worth. He was like yo poor. He was a poor guy. He was just poor. Since 2020, he Yeah. He's got his net worth is exploded. He got one point eight billion dollars in in yeah, billion in compensation, at least that. So now he's worried about going back to those poor days when he was only worth like a hundred million dollars. Can you imagine? billion. Yeah, it seems like a tough tough life over at the Wang Household too, because I'm look I'm reading that his so his kids are both senior executives at Nvidia. One trained at Le Couron Bleu as a ch as a chef studying pastries and wine in France, eventually made her way to senior executive and product strategy marketing director, and then one spa opened a cocktail bar in Taipei. And now he's the product manager overseeing AI model development and robotic perception systems. So, you know, I seems like a pretty I don't know, I don't know I don't know about worrying about being poor over there in the Hawai household. I don't know. Look. I well, I mean like chefs, you know, don't make a lot of money, so necessarily, like on average. So yeah. my god. Yeah, this was not a happy this is supposed to be the joke show. You lost internet and all everything's not funny. That's all we got. That's Hazelnut Rollis. I'm your analyst, Tol Matt Muscard. We are free float. Actually, tomorrow we won't have a show. That's true. All right, well. Thank thanks for ending on that note. Yeah. Where this is our show for our normal Tuesday show because we are going to CII in Boston. We're just gonna go hang out. So if you listen to the show, we'll be walking around on Wednesday and Thursday morning. You can come hang out with us. We might actually even set up some microphones if you want to rant, if you wanna sit down and get five questions chucked at you. we're gonna we'll be there, we'll have equipment, you'll see us. Come walk over to us, tell us how much you want freeflowanalytics.com, our sponsor. You wanna buy that data. And until Friday, good bye.